Dearest Readers,
In 2000 I did a month-long stint with Calgary’s One Yellow Rabbit Performance Theatre. Each summer they facilitate a Summer Lab and I was lucky enough to get a “scholarship” to go and participate. It had a profound impact on my career as a performer.
At the start, all the “Labbits”, as we came to be called, introduced ourselves by sharing something peculiar or particular about our lives. One gal named Anne Loree revealed that she was the songwriter behind Jann Arden‘s major hit “Insensitive.” We all oohed and aahed because it was pretty cool to be in the presence of a bonafide hit-maker (number 12 on the US Billboard Hot 100). At the end of the Lab Anne played the song for us in performance. It was a real thrill.
This morning I’m singing that song. “Maybe you might have some advice to give/on how to be/insensitive.” I’m not singing it about someone else, folks. I’m singing it about me.
A friend of mine just told me that a few weeks back I sent her an email that contained a comment that really upset her. She couldn’t believe I had written it. It was in shockingly bad taste. She’s been hurting since then and only yesterday did she finally feel ready to confront me about it.
God. Really? Ugh. So humbling. So challenging to hear this from a dear friend. It’s not the first time, either. Blasted email! How I wish I could blame it on this ridiculous form of communication that causes so many problems, so many misunderstandings and misinterpretations. But no. I cannot shirk this. I must take responsibility for my actions.
After listening to my friend and apologizing and having a good cry with her about the situation we were able to laugh together and move on. (Now that’s communication.) But I went home still feeling the discomfort of what had transpired. My friend and I had already established that I had not been on top of my game when I sent the email (no kidding) but what else?
That’s when the word insensitive came to me. Sort of like a beacon in the night. Kind of written across the sky. I can be insensitive. Not a beautiful moment. Not the type of epiphany I really enjoy having. Like a woolly sweater that itches in all the wrong spots. Get it off me.
Alas, I must wear it before I can take it off. I gotta own it before it can be taken away. So I’m owing it. I’m not saying, “I am an insensitive person.” This is too harsh. “I can be insensitive,” is a gentler admission. It also means I have the quality rather than I am the quality.
The Inner Work before me now is vital. Now that I have the awareness I need to be willing to change and be changed. I asked my friend how I could make amends to her. (An apology is great but it doesn’t always repair the damage.) She made a suggestion. I’m going to take it. I’m also committing to refraining from sending emails with flippant comments. This means re-reading what I’ve written and saving the message in the drafts folder if I’m unsure.
Lastly, I can use prayer to heal the underlying fear or wound. What’s insensitivity but self-centredness? What is self-centredness but fear? What is fear but a disconnection from Love? Return me to Love. Heal me. Make me whole.
With all of these steps I’m hoping instead I might have some advice to give on how to be more sensitive.
Inspiring Message of the Day: We’re not perfect. We make mistakes. Rather than beating myself up and increasing the shame I will commit to Healing Action. I will make things right where I can and leave the rest to a Loving Higher Power.
