Dearest Readers,
Let us turn now to the subject of speaking up when it is unpopular to do so. For example, you are in a group situation and perhaps someone has brought a child. The child is a lovely creature and on her best behaviour but is nonetheless disrupting the meeting and making it difficult for people to listen and stay focused. No one wants to say anything for fear of offending the parents and yet the situation is calling for something to be said.
What do you do?
The choices are simple: 1. Let it go. 2. Say something.
Letting go is always a good thing. But what if the discussion is extremely important? What if there is someone there who needs the information so badly that her sanity actually depends upon it? Is letting go really the best option?
Saying something will cause friction. It may even cause resentment. People won’t like it. They may even start to dislike you. But the group is being disrupted and people are getting annoyed. Many people would like to speak up but are fearful of the repercussions. Someone does, in fact, need to step up to the plate.
Would you be that person?
I’ve been both the “let it go” person and the “step up” person. The letting go works but provides no real solution. The stepping up opens the door for communication and problem-solving but causes some angry feelings to arise and enter the mix. Neither option is easy. Especially the latter.
Why? Because someone, inevitably, will decide you are a jerk. You will then have to live with the reality that someone out there doesn’t like you. If you are a person that says, “Who cares?” to this statement I applaud you and celebrate your insouciance. I’m not there yet.
But I am getting there! Slowly. It’s been a long and winding road so far. Here are some of the more pleasant pit stops:
- Don’t take things personally.
- Validate yourself. Don’t wait for someone else to do it.
- Give yourself a pat on the back (literally — reach up and pat yourself on the shoulder).
- Look in the mirror. Meet your eyes. Say, “You’re doing great. I love you. I really love you.”
- Remember to hold your own heart tenderly.
- Respond to your actions with compassion.
Whew! Lots of great tools. All beneficial. Some more challenging than others. Especially for the recovering perfectionist.
In a similar situation to the one above I recently stepped up and said, “This is not working and we need to discuss it.” Afterward, I came home feeling anxious because I knew I’d offended someone. The voices of dissent charged in and started their attack. I bought in for a while and started to beat myself up but then I took charge and used those tools of self-validation to calm myself down and celebrate the courage it took to speak up.
Not everybody is going to like me. And that’s okay.
Inspiring Message of the Day: Today I will give myself the validation I seek from others. Today I am good enough and I am loved enough because I give myself the love and compassion I need. I believe that I am worth it!
