• Edges of Light

    • January 17, 2011 6:51 am

    Dearest Readers,

    I quit the blog a while back to work on a new play I’m writing called GITA: God in the Army and I’m pleased to announce that I have finished the first draft. I’ve applied for a grant to workshop the piece in the spring and I’ll be performing a reading of it at a festival in May so momentum is most definitely gathering. Stay tuned.

    Yesterday I began to work on a new painting to give to a friend on her upcoming birthday and it’s been on my mind a lot since I put the brushes down. I often work from photographs I’ve taken and this one in particular is a close-up on a dark cloud with a luminous gold lining. I thought painting it would be a breeze.

    Not. Lemme tellya something: Clouds are not easy to paint!

    Because the cloud turned out to be more of an impression I’m thinking of adding some writing to the painting. Distract the viewer from the fact that the puffy puffs are a bit of a dog’s breakfast. I’m going to add, “every cloud has a” and then let the eye wander over to the edges of light.

    Those four little words have been running through my brain for the last 24 hours and so naturally I’ve found myself meditating on the entire proverb as well. “Every cloud has a silver lining.” Does it really?

    It does if we choose to see it. That’s the challenge we face as humans. Are we willing to see the good? Are we willing to find meaning in difficult circumstances? Are we willing to look beyond the darkness to where there are edges of light?

    It’s a choice. We don’t have to do anything. We can choose to see only hopelessness and futility if we like. And many of us do. Choosing the Light is diligent work. Maybe not for all of us. I’m always amazed when I meet people for whom joy is innate. But for me the conscious effort to see the positive and to find meaning in the day is just that. Conscious. Effort.

    It takes a certain amount of energy, commitment and determination to do this each day and you know what? I’m up for it. Because I’ve seen the proof written in the sky.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: I will make the effort to see the good in the bad, the beautiful in the ugly, the light in the dark. I will make meaning out of whatever I am given because there is always light behind the clouds.

    Speaking Words of Wisdom

    • November 19, 2010 9:29 am

    Dearest Readers,

    It’s been a while! Thank you to those of you who have told me how much you miss the blog. It is welcome praise. Knowing that the Inspiring Message of the Day has had an impact  really means more to me than I can say.

    I’ve been working steadily on GITA and it’s been going well. Well, “well” might not be the best choice of words. It is not an easy play to write. I am exploring The Big Life Questions and it’s definitely affecting my psyche.

    In the play, Corporal June Wright is suffering from PTSD after experiencing war trauma. She is being counseled by Padre Givin, a Canadian Forces Chaplain. June has lost all sense of meaning and the Padre is accompanying her on her journey back to hope. It’s a light comedy. I’m kidding.

    June has lost all faith in humanity and God. She is torn between finishing her contract with the Forces and pursuing her art. She doesn’t see that there is any point to living when death is the inevitable end. She is desperately trying to understand why atrocities happen and how any kind of God could exist when such horror does, too. She is lost and faithless. Hopeless and despairing.

    Naturally, this is wreaking some havoc on my own spiritual life. June is asking the questions I would like the answers to as well. I, too, have found myself losing faith and gaining anger. “Yeah! What’s up with all this sh!#?” This is nothing new. I’ve spent most of my life asking these questions. It has been a true journey of faith to learn how to trust in a Loving Power Back of All Things despite “the horror, the horror.”

    The other day I was speaking with the woman who accompanies me on the Healing Path. She is a Spiritual Director and her love, insight and wisdom have helped me enormously. With her I move through difficult times, walk through fear, overcome shame, forgive myself and remember that ultimately I do believe God is Love.

    So I was telling her about the anger that was coming up because of GITA. Does God make bad things happen? What the hell is it really all about? Why do those who rise up against injustice get crucified? Shot? Beaten to death? One of my greatest fears lies at the root of these questions: If we stand up for what is right we will be killed.

    “There is no Life Insurance,” she said. “There is no Safe Passage.” None of us is guaranteed immunity from death. There is no reward for being a Good Girl. Indeed, she added, “Bad things happen to good people.” And then she suggested I read that book. (I did get it from the Library and have begun to read.)

    Her point triggered another realization. I have an Old BS (belief system) that tells me that if I am very, very, good, which unfortunately translates into “perfect”, I will be safe. I will be rewarded. I will be protected from harm and even death, as ridiculous as that sounds.

    Not so, Celia. Just. Not. So.

    Alas, I am returned to the place where I have been before, many, many times: Embrace the Mystery.

    You see, I want answers. I want a formula I can work out. I want to know that A+B=C. I want Life Insurance. I want Safe Passage. I want the Big Guarantee. And the more I want it the more I suffer. Because I’m not going to get it. No matter what I do or say or how I act or live, I will not make it out of here alive.

    So when I find myself in times of trouble I remember that there will be an answer. I just don’t get to know what It is right now. So I have to do that thing, that difficult, painful, necessary, healing thing. I have to Let it Be.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: There is nothing wrong with asking the Big Questions. This is Human Nature. But I must be satisfied with not knowing the answers. Today I will trust the Great Mystery and embrace the simple and humble experience of letting it Be.

    Nassau to New Orleans Not-So-Direct

    • June 28, 2010 11:54 am

    Dearest Readers,

    The City of New Orleans is real. I’m here. It sounds arrogant but I don’t mean it to be. How do you know a place really exists until you’ve been there?

    After leaving the ashram on Paradise Island I flew from Nassau to Miami where I overnighted in a hotel in Coral Gables, The City Beautiful.The hotel was full of immigrant men from South and Southeast Asia waiting to start their jobs as “crew.” I assumed that meant for the cruise ships but I didn’t get a chance to find out.

    Next morning I was on a bus heading here, to the city of Mardi Gras and Katrina, a place that makes me think of movies I loved growing up: Easy Rider, Angel Heart, The Big Easy Along the way we stopped in all kinds of wacky places. Ask me about Tallahassee sometime.

    After arriving in the early dawn to a sun rising on the magnificent Lake Pontchartrain Causeway that traverses Lake Pontchartrain I grabbed a taxi outside the Greyhound Station and headed for this fabulously historic B&B, Terrel House.

    This is the Deep South. What I came here to experience. And I am. The Bush-hatin’ cabbie I flagged told me it never used to be this hot in New Orleans but it was getting hotter all the time because the Bible said it would. A kid serving me in a grocery store called me Ma’am. Much of the architecture in this city recalls days when parasols and fans would have been used to survive the heat. Now air-conditioning is ever-present everywhere.

    I’ve got it turned off. I came to experience the heat, too.

    For two days I will soak up what I can. Everyone has said, “Go to the French Quarter.” I’m more curious about Katrina’s scars and Treme but I’m just going to see where the wind (proverbial — it’s dead still) takes me.

    Thunder is rumbling in close skies and a train is bleating it’s horn in the near distance. The fountain in the courtyard outside this carriage-house room is gurgling away. I’ve got the door wide open. Even if that cabbie was right I’m gonna embrace it.

    Inspiring Message of the Day:     O to be Alive in this Great World!  The Wonders of Humanity and Nature, cruel and kind, bitter and sweet, so rich, so abundant, so jaw-droppingly awesome! Let our hearts sing with thanks.

    Mystical Love

    • May 11, 2010 8:55 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Yesterday I was at the CBC here in Whitehorse waiting to go into the studio with a couple of other artists for an interview about Nakai’s Homegrown Festival, in which I am performing this week. One of the fellows with me had heard about GITA: God in the Army, the show I’m doing, and asked me, “Are you religious, like Christian?”

    Faster than a jack rabbit, I said, “No.” Immediately I regretted it. We went into the studio, did the interview and parted ways.

    Later, upon reflection, I wished I’d responded differently. If given the chance again I would have said, “No, but I’d like to qualify that.”

    There’s an expression about the difference between religion and spirituality that goes like this: Religion is for those who believe in Hell, Spirituality is for those who have been there.

    The latter category fits me like a tailored suit and yet I do go to church. I don’t go all the time and I’m not a member of any particular church, in fact, I’ll go to pretty much any church for the experience, but I do attend religious services. Does that make me religious? Some would say yes. I say no.

    I don’t believe in the Immaculate Conception or the Resurrection and those two things are pretty much the necessary requirements for being a Christian. I believe them to be stories, metaphors created by the followers of Jesus in the years after his death in order to come to grips with who he was, what happened to him, and the message he left behind.

    This belief has come to me because I’ve done a lot of reading about “the historical Jesus”. The historical Jesus refers to the Jewish Mystic that he was and to the facts of his life that can be historically proven. It’s fascinating information but frustrating, even terrifying, because most of the Christian world has moved so far away from the historical message.

    What is the historical message? It’s pretty simple: Love one another. Where does that message come from? According to historical scholars like John Crossan and Marcus Borg, it comes from Jesus’ Experience of Being. To Be Alive is to Dwell in the Experience of God. Or, if “God” makes you feel too religious, call it something else. Higher Guidance. Or The Life Force Energy of the Universe. Or Love Itself.

    So if you ask me if I’m religious or Christian you’re going to get a pretty long answer. Like the saying goes: It’s complicated. But the core of both question and answer is rooted in simplicity: Let Love Rule.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Why is it so difficult to love one another? Could I keep it simple today and practice this very clear directive? I will do my best.