Dearest Readers,
Lately, I’ve been making a lot of mistakes.
Last week, I was supposed to bring the cash box to our Contact Dance Improv Jam and left it at home.
A few days before that, I was supposed to give a friend a copy of the memoir I’m writing and I didn’t remember to do it.
The other evening, I had a call scheduled with a friend and even though I’d remembered earlier in the day it completely slipped my mind at the appointed time.
This week, I didn’t bring the keys to the yoga studio and had to go back home and get them (luckily, one of the students gave me a lift so I could still start the class on time).
The list goes on: I forgot to feed the parking meter and got a ticket; misplaced my reading glasses; left the bagels I’d just bought behind…
When I recounted these events to a friend, she asked me how old I was.
“Are you implying that I might have early-onset Alzheimer’s?”
“It’s not inconceivable.”
No, it’s not. But rather than making a beeline to the doctor I’ve chalked up the mental blank spots to the following reasons:
1. My schedule has changed recently and I’m adjusting to the changes
2. I provide spiritual care for the elderly and the dying and there is some emotional shut-down happening (as a way of navigating the suffering and the grief)
3. Smartphone use
I’m pretty sure these are the main factors contributing to my current state of distraction. Change can be discombobulating. Grief can be overwhelming. Screens are taking over our lives.
I know I’m not the only one who is deeply distracted these days. There seems to be a whole lot of us walking around a little (or a lot) removed from our Selves. And why wouldn’t we be? Being a human being is challenging at the best of times and numbing out (whether intentionally or subconsciously) is a way to cope.
The real challenge, however, is to stay engaged with Reality as it unfolds.
This is easier said than done, especially when things are uncomfortable. I have such a natural ability to dissociate that I don’t often realize I’ve internally separated myself from my life situation until I’ve been shocked back into Presence by the appearance of a $60 parking ticket.
Turns out this is a good way to work with a distressing event. Be it a minor mishap or a major calamity, the shock can actually serve as a wake-up call:
Stop.
Notice.
Am I in my body?
Am I even aware that I am breathing?
What is happening around me?
Where did I disappear to and how long have I been gone?
Instead of beating myself up for the ‘mistakes’ I’ve been making I’ve been instead trying to see them as opportunities to wake up.
BING! You forgot the keys. BING! You lost your glasses. BING! You stood up your friend. BING!
Where did you go, Celia? Time to come back now.
The beating-myself-up mechanism still kicks in and sometimes the anger does, too. Pretty normal reactions to making mistakes. Those old friends simply need to be gently reminded that I’m doing my best. That usually settles them down.
When I view the things that shock me out of my numbness as opportunities to be fully alive then I become truly aligned with What IS. And What Is, is nothing less than the life force energy creating and sustaining all things at every conceivable moment in time and space.
What is that?
We don’t know.
We call It by many names and we make war over it. We ignore It, rail against It, deny It, fear It and try and try and try to explain It. But we cannot explain It.
We simply do not understand The Inexplicable Mystery of Our Being.
But just because we don’t understand It doesn’t mean we can’t align ourselves with It. And I am aligned with my Being when I am awake to my Self and to others and to what is unfolding in Reality right now.
So when you suddenly remember that forgot your keys, take it as the Cosmic BING! Take it as a moment to be amazed by the phenomenon of your existence and by Existence Itself. This moment of realignment Is All There Is and it’s worth waking up for.
From the Fires of Love,
Celia
