• I Yam Who I Yam

    • August 31, 2010 7:35 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Yesterday I attended a “Business After Hours” function hosted by our local Chamber of Commerce. I joined the Chamber last year in order to build the Inspiring Works business and broaden my reach as a speaker, workshop facilitator and coach. These after-work-meet-and-greets happen often but guess what? I have never gone.

    Until yesterday. I decided I needed to walk through my fear and get out there with my business card. I put on my dress pants and the Spank heels from Vangroovy and plunged myself into unknown territory. Despite the fact that it felt extremely uncomfortable to get out of my comfort zone (funny that) I managed to chat with people easily and share with them what I am all about. Talk about Cultivating Your Courage!

    There are two more Chamber functions this morning and when I was getting dressed a short while ago the thought of putting on those heels and those biz-casual slacks made me feel queasy. It’s just not me, folks. Sure, I can play the part. I’m a performer. But I’d rather feel like Celia than an actor playing her.

    How can I dress appropriately and still feel like myself? I figured something out. I may not look like a business woman but I look like a woman who means business.

    I look like who I really am.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: We can try to be like other people but why bother? Our Authentic Self is vastly more interesting. Today I will be True to who I am. I will shine my Beautiful Light just as it is.

    O Happy Day

    • August 30, 2010 10:16 am

    Dearest Readers,

    A couple of days ago I was invited to a friend’s house for a late afternoon chat about all things marvelous and magnificent. When I arrived at his place the sun was shining, the sky was blue, the birds were probably singing and upon seeing me he said, “Wonderful good afternoon!”

    This greeting reminded me of a fellow on the ashram who used to say, “Wonderful good morning,” when greeting people at the start of the day. It always made me smile.

    As greetings go, nothing can beat Charlotte‘s first hello to Wilbur the Pig. “Salutations!” she says to him. What a great way to teach a kid a big word. I’ve never forgotten it.

    Then there is the Good Morning Good Morning song by The Beatles that repeats the line three or four times in a row with ramped-up energy and verve. Love that, too. It never fails to get the juices flowing.

    Why all this focus on greetings and salutations this morning? Because I’m feeling a lot of gratitude and humility today. A heart full of gladness and willingness to be of service. I have a life beyond my wildest dreams and I’m sharin’ the Love, people.

    Here’s hoping that “after a while you start to smile…”

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Salutations! Wonderful good morning! Good morning good morning good morning good morning ah! May those of us who are feeling joyful today inspire the ones who are struggling with a smile and an ebullient greeting.

    Don’t Deny It, Defy It!

    • August 28, 2010 10:40 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Those of you who have participated in the Cultivate Your Courage workshop I lead on occasion will know that one of the tools I use to walk through fear is to first admit that I have it. After spending most of my life acting as if I was afraid of nothing and therefore being afraid of everything I finally realized the ruse wasn’t working for me. Like, at all.

    Paradoxically, I discovered that when I admit I am afraid the fear lessens, often disappearing altogether. This method has now become a regular personal practice, which I do my best to share with whomever cares to listen.

    Recently I was speaking with someone who had never actually heard of this concept let alone imagined that it could work. He, like me, had believed that if he denied his fear he would overcome it. What he had discovered (the same way I did) is that his fear had, in fact, gained power over him and was now running his life. By pretending he wasn’t afraid he had unwittingly been giving his fear permission to grow.

    (Gentle aside to all of us who think we are: We are not alone.)

    I’ll never forget the day I put up my hand and said, “I am a fear-based person!” No one else was in the room with me but I swear to you I heard an arena-sized cheer erupting around me. It was so freeing! My whole life I’d been saying, “I’m not afraid, I’m not afraid,” while the fear churned sickeningly inside of me. Now, by simply saying, “I am afraid, yes. I really am,” I suddenly felt more peaceful. The raging waters of terror stilled and the calmness of Truth prevailed.

    This discovery changed my life. And I invite you to allow it to change yours, too. I will be leading a Cultivate Your Courage Teleclass in September during which we will be exploring this and other tools to overcome the fear that robs us of joy and personal freedom. The first class is free and I’ll be using it to describe what we will be exploring in the following three classes.

    We’re all in this together, folks. Please join me.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: If I deny the fear I cannot defy it. Yes, I am afraid. Now open the door.

    Lost and Found

    • August 27, 2010 10:36 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Good news! I am now blogging from a brand-new (used) 13″ MacBook and she’s an absolutely lovely little thing. The brilliant team at Meadia Solutions also managed to recover the contents of the hard drive off the iBook I lost last week.

    All together now: Hallelujah!

    This means that the 16 pages of GITA that I had painstakingly excavated from the Ether is intact. I don’t have to start from scratch. I was prepared to do that. I knew the chances of recovery were slim and that I may well have had to go back to the beginning. I was steeling myself for the results of the “operation” with a combination of gritted teeth and total surrender.

    The surrendered part of me even began to be excited by the idea of having to start all over again. It felt like an opportunity to free fall. The gritted-teeth part of me, however, was not so excited about beginning anew. This idea felt more like having to climb Mount Everest. So you can imagine how thankful I am that those 16 pages are still in existence.

    It was interesting to see the different reactions in people to the dilemma. One guy, a journalist friend, said, “Hey, I’ve lost stuff and the new draft was actually way better. A clean slate can do wonders for the piece.” His reaction helped bring on the excitement.

    But another guy, a computer technician, grabbed his heart and practically fainted. He understands the importance of backing things up and for him it meant a monumental loss. His mock-heart-attack made me very glad I got the work back.

    Last week, when I was in no man’s land, waiting for clarity on how to proceed after the laptop got cooked, I had tea with a fellow artist. During our discussion we spoke of all the challenges and the joys of creating and striving and persevering in our craft. When we parted she said something to me that hit me with such a weight that I had to write it down.

    From my little notebook I now give you her gem:

    “Let’s get together again and share about the desperately courageous act of trying to create.”

    Whump. I don’t know where that hits you but if you’re an artist (or if you avoiding being an artist) it will hit you between the eyes, in the heart, the gut and the groin. Why? Because she nailed it.

    It takes courage, desperate courage to create art. Creating is an act of trust. Something is going to come. Moving into that place of trust is often glorious, seldom easy and mostly terrifying. What keeps me going is believing deeply in that old adage about the artist being the instrument. It’s not about me.

    So today I will get back to the writing of GITA and I will do so with 16 pages of a draft to support me. But if I didn’t have those 16 pages I would still summon that courage, that desperate courage, and I would begin anew, trusting that the ideas, the characters, the story would be there.

    BTW, thanks be to the God of Hard Drives.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Today, despite the terror of beginning anew, I will jump in to the act of creation with Courage and Trust.

    Welcome Freshness

    • August 20, 2010 8:37 am

    Dearest Readers,

    It’s been grey and wet here in Whitehorse for a few days in a row now. We needed rain badly so no one dares to complain about it. I was on a hike last weekend and the mountain lichen was crunching underneath our feet like crispy cereal. This wet weather is very welcome.

    After almost a year of posting blogs it’s sometimes difficult to remember whether I’m repeating myself or if I’ve told the story elsewhere so if you’ve heard this one already, forgive me.

    When I was on Spiritual Retreat at the Naramata Centre last February I met a man on the road and we began to have a conversation. Of course, being human as we are, our discussion began with the weather. There was a light rain falling and the man found it very pleasant. He was from a dry place where rain was scarce.

    “It’s so fresh,” he said, taking a deep breath and smiling. “I just love this freshness.”

    Fresh? It was the first time I’d ever heard anyone describe a dull, dreary, rainy and grey day as fresh. I myself have always struggled to love rain. But when this man said that word and took that breath and smiled that smile I could feel the freshness he was talking about. The winter green around us got brighter and the cool air suddenly felt rich and moist.

    After that episode I am forever feeling the freshness of the rain. That man’s positive attitude completely shifted my experience of dreary weather.

    Talk about a fresh perspective.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Is there something in my life that needs a fresh pair of eyes? What can I look at differently today? I will find a way to gain a fresh perspective on something I have previously viewed with disdain.

    Sailing Through

    • August 18, 2010 8:35 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Years ago I heard an inspiring speaker talking about making it through rough times. She likened being in the pit of despair to being in the middle of a terrible storm. “Sometimes you just gotta hold on,” she said, “You just gotta hold on until it passes.”

    When we’re in that place of fear it can feel like it’s never going to pass. We can’t see the forest for the trees. All we can feel is rotten. It’s a real pickle of a place to be when everything around you is actually just fine and there is nothing really wrong with your life.

    In my case, I have everything I need, my life is one of freedom and adventure, I am young and independent, I’ve been given great gifts of creativity and spirituality, and yet despite all of that I still end up somehow back in that pit.

    Fear is so baffling, isn’t it? What helps me to understand it a little better is the belief that I’m being called to grow. To heal on a deeper level. If I deny the fear I won’t get there. If I embrace it I’ll overcome it.

    In order to overcome it, however, I have to move through it. If I would like to come out the other side I have to have to do a few simple, yet challenging, things. Holding on is one of them.

    I hold on to the belief that in the Big Picture everything is really okay. I hold on to “This, too, shall pass.” I hold on to faith. Faith in a Benevolent Universe, a Greater Power, a Life Force Energy Back of All Things. I hold on to past experience that tells me this Power is Unconditional Love and is working constantly for my Highest Good.

    I hold on, period.

    And then the storm ends, the clouds part, the sun shines and I’m through it. And I look around and I am no longer in the pit. I have ascended to a new level of Be-ing.

    It’s a process, folks. Every single time. And every single time I come through it I think, “Whew! I made it.”

    Hallelujah. Land, ho!

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Whenever I hit rough seas I will remember that the route toward calm waters is always ahead. In order to get there I will put up the sail and hold on to the Rudder.

    A Clean Page

    • August 17, 2010 11:09 am

    Dearest Readers,

    The other day I heard someone use a great metaphor for the trap of negative thinking. Imagine a clean, white piece of paper. Imagine a black dot is then printed on the page. What do you stare at?

    Sometimes I find myself staring at that black dot when all around me is purity and light. I just can’t take my focus off the blemish.

    Recently I did a performance of a spoken-word piece for a public audience and I asked a friend to record it for me so I could either post it on the website or on YouTube. A couple of days later I showed it to some friends who had been unable to see the piece live.

    After watching the clip I said, “Now that I hear it played back I realize that my delivery was too slow. When I’ve done it in the past it’s been much faster.”

    One friend agreed. “It needs to move along,” he said. The other friend didn’t think so. “I liked it,” she said. “I need to hear the words so I can process what I’m listening to.”

    Aside from the fact that this proves we performers can never please everyone, I became suddenly aware that I was again focusing on the black dot. I didn’t see what I had done, only what I hadn’t.

    This was not a profound revelation. I’ve been working on this for some time. The good news is that even though I focused on the black dot I didn’t beat the living daylights out of myself for what I’d done “wrong”. I simply observed it and committed to doing it differently next time.

    This is progress and progress is something to celebrate. It is vital to recognize these little victories in our lives as we move more and more into the White Space of self-forgiveness.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Am I too focused on the “black dots” in my life? Today I will shift my vision away from the blemishes and concentrate instead on Progress and Positivity.

    Dear Diary

    • August 16, 2010 10:09 am

    Dearest Readers,

    It’s been an interesting couple of weeks since I arrived back in Whitehorse after traveling for two months. I’ve been negotiating my way through all kinds of feelings while simultaneously playing the contrasting games of catch-up and future-trip.

    Needless to say, I found myself hitting the wall of overwhelm yesterday.

    The good news is I didn’t hit it going 100 mph. More like 30 or 40. But impact is still impact no matter what speed you’re going. It’s still a direct hit.

    Do you journal, Dear Reader? It’s such a great tool. I didn’t know I was feeling overwhelmed until I started writing about it last night. I’d had an emotional day but if you had asked me what was going on I probably couldn’t have named it.

    After about 4 pages of processing what was in my head and what was in my heart I finally found the words:

    I’m overwhelmed.

    Even just saying it takes the pressure off! I actually woke up feeling relief. Even though the status of my current to-do list has not changed since last night I’m not presently feeling the tension of having too much on my plate. Something has shifted.

    What happened? Well, now I’ve got awareness. I know what it is I’m really feeling. The simple tool of identification has done absolute wonders for my well-being. We have to name it. When we name it we can then address it head on.

    What, exactly, is “it”?  All together now: It is the fear.

    It’s always about the fear, in my opinion. The little bugger won’t give up. Like the Energizer Bunny, fear just keeps on banging its little brass cymbals ad infinitum, ’til death do us part.

    What is the fear behind the feeling of overwhelm? In my case, it is most likely the fear of financial insecurity. The fear of failure is probably lurking in there somewhere, too. Both are ungrounded and illogical but nonetheless present and accounted for.

    So out comes the tool kit, folks.

    1. Name it: I’m overwhelmed.

    2. Become willing to address it. I’m willing to change.

    3. Practice letting go: Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.

    4. PLAML: Pray like a mother-lover.

    The key for me in this process is number 2. It’s so humbling! You mean, there’s more fear inside of me? I have to change again? I didn’t graduate from the Fearless Forever Class of 2010 yet?

    Not yet. I suppose it’s a good thing. I’ll have something authentic to teach next month.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: To journal faithfully is to discover a marvelous way of uncovering our underlying emotional state of being. When I am in need of a yet another shift from fear to faith I will pick up a pen and write until I can identify the unexpressed fear.


    The Aim of Success

    • August 14, 2010 8:48 am

    Dearest Readers,

    As part of my research for GITA I am reading Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl. I’ve only just begun the book but already have learned so much.

    In Frankl’s “Preface to the 1992 Edition” he writes about his reaction to the incredible (surprise) success of the book which by then had sold millions of copies since its initial publication in 1946.

    “Don’t aim at success,” he writes, “the more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue… you have to let it happen by not caring about it.”

    I need to hear this message over and over again. I have been so motivated by “success” for so much of my life. I have blogged before about having to re-define the meaning of success in my life in order to find Peace and how much this turnaround has helped me. I’ve been changed by it.

    Still, after reading this section of Frankl’s book, I was able to see how much of what I do is still motivated by this vague notion of greater glory. It’s not a bad thing and I’m not here to chastise myself for it but I felt humbled by the raw awareness that the old success driver is yet present in me.

    Frankl continues, “I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long run — in the long run, I say! — success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think of it.”

    Thanks for the reminder, Viktor. Needed that.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: What does my Conscience command me to do? What is my Highest Guidance? I will seek this knowledge and carry it out to the best of my ability without expectation of success or reward. I will trust that the reward will come by itself, at my having done my utmost to perform my True Command.

    I’m Alive

    • August 13, 2010 10:27 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Today I will be performing at Arts in the Park here in our fair city and I’d like to share with you the piece I’m going to present.

    It’s a spoken-word number called I’m Alive and it was one of the first authentic performances I gave back when I was walking through stage fright at the beginning of my professional career.

    Here it is:

    I’ve scaled a mountain clinging fingers to wet rock wind howling threatening to blow me off the side / end me up like the sheep fallen down below / ribs splayed open bleached by the sun / petrified organs and hide now leather/  long white hair blowing in the breeze…

    I’m alive.

    I’ve been hit by a car on my bike SMACK POW didn’t see it coming in the night / bright headlights / BANG I’m in the air / SLAM I’m on the hood / THUD I’m on the ground…

    I’m alive.

    I’ve been taken by a stranger held in his clutches / his dirty hands and dirty things he did to me / RUN / so I ran / he let me go…

    I’m alive.

    I’ve met bears — I said bears — that’s with an ‘s’, kid / walking down a logging road / five grizzly bears, kid / one breaks away / comes down the ditch / up the ditch / to face me down back me up / I backed up / our spirits touched / eye to eye…

    I’m alive.

    I’ve jumped out of a plane / 2800 feet / falling flying with the wind in my ears / peace beauty ’til I landed exactly NOT like they’d spent the 8 hours teaching me how to / OMG / both my legs are broken / but they weren’t…

    I’m alive.

    I’ve been trapped in a hole / 3 years old told, “Don’t go down that hole!” / climbed down / got stuck / fire engines / po-lice / traumatized parents

    I’m alive.

    I’ve taken drugs laced with rat poison / bleach / bought off the streets / WHY?

    I’m alive.

    I’ve been in car accidents / planes that nearly crashed / relationships with violent men / UGH

    I’m alive.

    I was born / I was given this gift / this life overwhelming / this blessing / this hope

    I’m alive.

    The contents of our wallet / the size of our house / the cost of our car / these things / do not make us / who we are / we’re rich without a penny

    We’re alive.

    We’ve got blood coursing through our veins / pumping muscles and a heart working hard

    We’re alive

    We got lungs / cleansing breath / is the Life Force Giver / we receive

    We’re alive

    You’re alive

    I’m alive.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: It is so easy to forget that I am alive today. I will do my best not to take this Immense Gift for granted. I will rejoice in my aliveness!