• Day Eleven

    • June 17, 2010 4:32 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Hitting the road again again after being in Kitchener four days duringĀ the Magnetic North Theatre Festival. Tomorrow I get on a plane and fly to the Bahamas to lead Cultivate Your Courage. The weekly weather page for Bahamas on the iPhone has seven straight clouds with ferocious-looking lightening bolts. Should be an interesting week.

    On my way back to Montreal today I will be passing through Port Hope, Ontario, where I lived for three years before I moved back to the Yukon in 2004. My grandparents on my mother’s side still live there, as do her 3 sisters. I’ll be stopping in to see them as I pass.

    My grandparents are quite elderly and though they have managed to stay in their own home until now (with lots of outside help) the time has come for them to move into a senior’s residence. It will be an enormous change for them and though my grandmother is scared she is ready to go. My grandfather, to say the least, is less than thrilled about the move.

    When I lived in Port Hope I went over to see them every single day. I had left Montreal to look after my parents’ second home in Port Hope. It was a sweet deal. I got to live in plantation-style home, they got a property manager.

    In Montreal I had been working in both a seniors’ residence and a nursing home. Both jobs gave me insight into the aging process and appreciation for the elder experience. I also had a knack for working with old folks. My daily visits to my grandparents were rooted in service work. I went there to give them unconditional love and care once a day, without fail.

    Last night when I called my grandparents to tell them I was coming, my grandfather, who has trouble hearing (and listening) said, “I know I’m not supposed to say this but I think of you as a special granddaughter. The time we spent together when you were here was a wonderful period in our lives.”

    The last time I visited I said good-bye to them. And the time before that. Every time I go there I know it may be the last. So today I get to see them and say another good-bye. I considered zooming right past the town and skipping the visit altogether. Port Hope is nestled right beside the highway and it would make my day so much easier. But Life is not always about choosing the easy path.

    Yesterday the wind was as strong as I’ve ever felt it. The force was almost hurricane-like. I watched it whip the trees and pushed against it as I walked and remembered suddenly that I’d dreamt of a tornado the night before. In the dream, I saw the twister in the distance coming toward me. I remember being afraid.

    My job today is to go and be present with my grandparents. To give them love and support as the winds of change blow through their fragile lives. May it pass through without too much destruction.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: When I want to avoid the difficult emotional territory that comes with familial relationships I will remember that Unconditional Love heals all wounds. It is a Force of Nature, more powerful than anything else in the world.

    Day Two

    • June 8, 2010 3:55 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Do you remember the scene from Pulp Fiction where Jules, the thug character played by Samuel L. Jackson tells Vincent, the John Travolta character, that he is quitting “the life” ? When Vincent asks Jules what he’s going to do instead, Jules says, “I’m going to walk the earth…. walk from place to place, meet people, get in adventures.”

    Vincent isn’t having any of it and tells Jules he’s going to end up a bum but Jules is determined and full of faith. It’s a great little scene, watch it here (language warning!!) on YouTube.

    For some reason this line has stayed with me all these years (that film came out in 1994 if you can believe it — 16 years ago) and lately I’ve been saying it to people when they ask me why I’m going traveling for so long. Not entirely facetiously I answer, “Basically I’m just going to walk the earth.”

    During a session with my Spiritual Director a few weeks ago I was telling her the story of Jules and explaining that I’d started saying this to people for fun and yet really feeling that it was partly true. Though I have specific business in each place I’m going I also feel called to “walk the earth”. Wonderful SD that she is, she suggested we go deeper into this call.

    We entered into meditation, just breathing and getting quiet, and by doing so I was able to really listen and connect with Inner Wisdom. From this place of Knowing I heard some sage advice.

    “Don’t be afraid to meet people.”

    Sounds simple enough, right? But it’s scarier than you think. How many of us find it difficult to talk to strangers? “People are strange when you’re a stranger. Faces look ugly when you’re alone…” Jim Morrison pretty much nailed it.

    Hearing Guidance from Inner Wisdom, however, kinda means, for me anyway, that I gotta obey. So last night at a restaurant, when I overheard a few guys sitting at an adjacent table talking about filmmaking, I decided to speak up. It seemed like too big of a coincidence. I’m a filmmaker, I walk into some joint and the people sitting behind me are talking about Telefilm Canada and producing movies in this country? Seemed like a “walk the earth” moment to me.

    I waited until they were leaving, passing me by, and jumped in.

    “Are you guys filmmakers?”

    “Ahhhh… yeah,” one of them said, looking rather like a deer caught in the headlights. (When you’re a stranger…)

    “I am, too,” I said. We shared a brief exchange after that. They were friendly enough but the body language was “get out the door, dude.”

    Immediately, I felt like a jerk. Why didn’t I start with a smoother intro? Something more formal and professional? Then I realized I was beating myself up for nothing. They were awkward, I was not. Why take it on? Time for some positive self-coaching.

    “Good for you, Celia! You walked through your fear. It’s not about their reaction, it’s not about making a successful connection in the industry, it’s about cultivating courage while you walk the earth!”

    Right. Better.

    “Do not be afraid to meet people.”

    Gulp. I’m working on it.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: We’re all strangers walking the earth. When it comes time to meet a fellow stranger on the road and the fear comes up I will walk through it knowing Wisdom and Guidance dictate that I do not have to be afraid.

    Service, Please

    • June 5, 2010 11:13 am

    Dearest Readers,

    This morning I had a sudden and last-minute opportunity to volunteer for a wee little jobbie in a business meeting. I did not particularly want to take on the responsibility but no one else was stepping up to do the work.

    Last night I heard a guy talking about helping another person when he feels low. “It gets me out of myself,” he said. I wasn’t feeling particularly low this morning but I did have a head full of Celia. When the opportunity arose I new in an intuitive instant that I could help out. “I can do this,” I thought to myself.

    Hearing the Inner Volunteer is one thing. Stepping up is quite another. How many times do we hear that voice and ignore it? It is only from previous experience that I knew that to take on the jobbie would effectively mean getting out of my self-centered thinking and finding my way to Peace.

    I’ve so blogged about this before but when I was 16 I did an Outward Bound course where I learned the slogan, “To serve, to strive and not to yield.” This was probably the first time that the idea of doingĀ service really hit home.

    Up until that point, most of my life was spent doing self-service. I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it and that was always NOW. Needless to say, I wasn’t a very satisfied individual. It wasn’t until I learned the art of self-less service that I began to experience that wonderful gift of Peace that comes from doing something for nothing.

    At the end of this month I’m going to theĀ Sivananda Bahamas Yoga Retreat to leadĀ Cultivate Your Courage. Although the ashram is providing me with accommodation and meals, I am not taking a fee for the workshop. It is considered Karma Yoga, or selfless service.

    Admittedly, it’s not a completely altruistic endeavour. I’m hoping to build other opportunities for Inspiring Leadership out of this one and hey, I get to live in paradise for a week. But when they asked me to do the workshop as a form of Karma Yoga I agreed. It is my way of giving back, giving thanks, offering the Gift in return.

    So this morning when I had that moment of clarity that told me I could step up to the plate and take on the role that no one else wanted I knew that by doing so I’d not only be expressing my gratitude for all the gifts that are my life but I’d be opening myself up to continuing to receive that priceless gift of serenity. And guess what? I got it.

    Ommmmmm…

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Is there a way for me to give back today? Is there an opportunity to be of service? I will look for it and then step forward into action. I will open myself up to receive the Beauty of Humility that comes when I give without expectation of reward.

    Joy to the World

    • May 31, 2010 9:27 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Today, May 31st, is a special day in my life. Exactly eleven years ago today I began to walk the Healing Path. I made a decision that day to let go of My Way (sorry, Frank Sinatra) and instead follow the Higher Way. It’s been an absolutely amazing adventure.

    If you will indulge me, I will share with you some things for which I am grateful today. It seems the most appropriate way to give thanks for all I have been given over the years and in very recent days, too.

    • To the six brave souls who attended Cultivate Your Courage in Whitehorse on the 29th. Thank you for coming and for sharing your fears and your willingness to walk through them with me.
    • To the two women who first helped me find a way to stop using drugs and alcohol and to all those who have supported me in staying stopped. Eleven years!
    • To the Mama Duck and her wee little ducklin’s I saw over the weekend, first crossing the road on Saturday and then swimming in the river on Sunday. You were so attentive to them, so protective, looking behind you every few seconds, checking on them, making sure they were okay. You reminded me that the essence of our Nature is Love.
    • To the teachers, mentors, sponsors, coaches, counsellors, spiritual directors, family and friends who have supported and encouraged me to continue growing into my fullest potential by becoming whole and free of shame.
    • To the cat I live with who wakes me each morning with his mournful cries, making me crazy/angry and thereby teaching me compassion. By asking me for love you have grown it out of me. You, little monkey-cat, are the reason I started this blog. You get the credit.
    • To the Loving Power of Higher Guidance, which continues to reveal Itself to me each day as a Force that has my back, works for my Highest Good, shows me how to live the life I am supposed to be living and provides me with all that I need in every single moment of each day that I am Alive.
    • To you, present and future Readers, for being there and for supporting and appreciating this work. You inspire me to inspire you.

    My heart is really full of Love today. Thanks, everyone.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: What do I have to be grateful for? Today I will take the time to write a list no matter how I might be feeling. When I look at what I have instead of what I do not I find freedom from want.

    The Gift of Fear

    • May 29, 2010 8:05 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Today I am leading the Cultivate Your Courage Workshop and I am full of anxiety. The good news is I now have something to teach.

    When I took the Sivananda Yoga Teachers’ Training Course I learned a valuable lesson: Don’t teach what you don’t know. Quite simply, that means teach only what you do know. I know fear.

    The “Teach What you Know” lesson was driven home to me a couple of years ago when I was first developing Cultivate Your Courage, which at that time was called Walk Through Your Fear (you’d be amazed how many people would rather do the former). After feeling really confident about leading the workshop for the first time I was suddenly seized by debilitating fear.

    Who did I think I was? What right did I have to lead this kind of workshop? What were people going to think of me doing something like this? What if I failed miserably?

    As I shared all of this with a friend she said, “Celia, don’t you think it’s just a little bit funny that you are going to lead a workshop called Walk Through Your Fear and you are terrified to do it?”

    Oh, yeah. I guess it is a little bit funny. Ha-ha.

    “Now you can teach what you know,” she continued. “Now you have something to give.”

    Boy, was she right. And that’s what I did. I went in there and I said, “I’m absolutely terrified to be here. But I’m here. And I refuse to let the fear win.” This is how we cultivate courage. We walk through the fear.

    So here I am with another workshop ahead of me. I’ve now led quite a few and they have all been very successful. The experience is truly powerful for all of us, teacher and student alike. Nevertheless, the fear is back.

    It’s not crippling me, this fear. It’s not defeating me. No. On the contrary. It’s giving me something to teach.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: I will walk through my fear today knowing that I am cultivating courage by doing so. I will trust that in some strange way the fear is a gift, prodding me to move forward into Trust.