Dearest Readers,
One of the things I have a hugely difficult time doing is making decisions. Big or small, it doesn’t matter. I once stood in the linen section of the Superstore for what seemed like hours trying to decide what sheets to buy. It took me a whole year to buy a truck.
When I do the deeper investigation into what’s behind my indecisiveness I discover, of course, fear. In this particular case, it is the fear of making a mistake.
Making the wrong decision would lead to all kinds of bad consequences. This is what the fear tells me. But is this really true? Of course not.
A few years ago I went on Silent Retreat and during that time was given the opportunity to work with a Spiritual Director. I had a big decision to make and I was struggling with it. This wonderful woman (who is my SD to this day) said, “Why don’t we talk through each option and see what the outcome is for both?”
So we did that. I imagined “going left” and talked through that scenario until I came to some kind of conclusion and then I did the same for “going right.” What I discovered is that both options had consequences and rewards. Both options would bring challenges and gifts. This was a revelation.
Knowing I couldn’t make a mistake, that either decision would be a learning experience, it then became a matter of deciding which consequences I was willing to live with. I still had to make a decision but I had more information and clarity with which to decide.
Today, it can still take me ages to make a decision and I readily admit that there is that old fear wrapped up in my hesitation. But there is also a commitment to clarity inside my waiting. If my Intuition isn’t speaking loudly enough for me to hear it or if the options are too many or the situation too vague, I wait.
This can be very inconvenient, especially if there are other people involved in the outcome. But this commitment to clarity assuages that old fear. It means I get to feel sure, safe and connected. This is important. These are my needs and I deserve to have them met.
On the other hand, if I cannot make a mistake because either way I’m going to learn something, then “Make a decision already!” would be a perfectly appropriate thing to shout at me next time you see me standing for hours in an aisle at the Superstore.
Inspiring Message of the Day: Despite my fear, today I am going to make a concrete decision about something. Big or small, I will decide and I will trust that the consequences and rewards of my decision are teaching tools from which I may learn.
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