• One!

    • September 21, 2010 10:36 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Today is the one year anniversary of Inspiring Message of the Day. I just went back and read the very first post, which I wrote in response to hearing the Still Small Voice say, “Get up and write a blog.”

    “Huh?” I remember thinking, “Are you completely serious?” But I listened. And if you look at the time of that post it says “5:47 a.m.” And that was an hour after getting up and figuring out Blogger and then writing the darn thing. Case in point: I obeyed the command despite its seemingly bizarre nature.

    As I was pondering what to write on this momentous occasion I thought about all the things I could say. The most obvious one is that I achieved a goal. This is huge. I committed to posting six days a week for one year and I actually did that without fail. Granted, some posts are better than others but nevertheless I did it. So “clink” and congratulations, Celia.

    There were other goals that came out of the blog that I achieved as well. I made a commitment in Run For Your Life to do one form of cardiovascular exercise a week in addition to my daily yoga practice. And guess what? I’ve kept that up, too. As I was running up those Black St. stairs two at a time yesterday I thought, “My body has changed.” A year ago I was huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf.

    But here is the question that is really begging to be answered. Have I changed the thing that prompted the blog in the first place? That rage that powered the prayer to help me not strangle the cat?

    Yes. And no.

    The rage can still come up. So that’s not gone. Maybe it never will be. But the force at which it arrives has lessened considerably. The cat hasn’t jumped on my stomach for a long time. Coincidence? Probably not. Now when he cries at 5 a.m. I pat him, scratch his ears, talk to him quietly and lift up the covers so he can snuggle underneath them with me. And then we both go back to sleep. Some kind of Surrender had to take place in me and I had to let It in.

    Yesterday I had a major deadline to meet. I was at Staples making copies and things were not going my way. The copier printed 170 pages of my work with a big black line through each one. The 3-hole punch was on the wrong setting and the holes in 120 pages were skewed. I could feel that old rage starting to boil.

    I took a deep breath and said, “Please help me. I can’t handle this.”

    Moments later a woman who might be called the town loonie came stomping into the store. She was having some kind of psychotic episode. She was ranting unintelligibly and everyone just kind of stopped and stared. She did a tour around the cash registers and then she left.

    This woman just happens to be one of my Symbols. There she was. Appearing almost immediately after I’d asked for Higher Guidance. I relaxed. Look at your life, Celia. Look at what you have. Your problems are not really problems. Things fell into their proper perspective.

    Thinking back to a year ago and that morning of the first blog I can see the difference between who I was then and who I am now. Yes, I have changed. And I will continue to change if I continue to ask for that Help. I can’t do it by myself. I need something Greater, something More Powerful than my little old self. That part, thank goodness, hasn’t changed.

    This is by no means the last blog, Dearest Readers, but I am going to take a bit of a break. I have a play to write and this precious time I take to post each day must now be used for that.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you, a million times thank you for reading. Thank you for being there, for being You, for Be-ing. You are amazing!

    Inspiring Message of the Day: When I am in need of Great Strength I will continue to ask for It. I will ask no matter where I am and no matter what I am doing. Today I will trust that when I ask for help It will come. It will come.

    Two…

    • September 20, 2010 9:47 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Yesterday was my birthday and I got the best birthday present ever. I got to go for a canoe paddle on the river.

    Paddling rivers is one of my favourite things to do in the world and each summer my father and 2 of our good friends (another father-daughter team) do a trip. This year, however, we didn’t get to go on our annual expedition and I really felt the loss. I would walk by the Yukon River, which is about a 3-minute walk from where I live, look at the moving water and feel a sense of longing so deep it can hardly be described.

    So when my friend said, “How about we take you out for a paddle on your BD?” I was more than game.

    Since it was my birthday I had spoken to my parents earlier in the day. When I told my father about the stretch of water we’d be doing he suddenly got cautious. “That’s fast moving water,” he said, “It can be really tricky.” He warned me to be careful.

    I’m a pretty good paddler. I’ve paddled lots of flat water and done some pretty big white water but I’ve always been in the bow of the canoe on the river trips. I still don’t feel like I know exactly what I’m doing when the water gets big and my dad and I have had some scary moments. I started to feel nervous about what was supposed to be a leisurely afternoon paddle.

    My friend’s partner reassured me. “The water isn’t that fast,” he said. “I wouldn’t send you out there if I didn’t think you could do it.” Okay then! Let’s do it.

    We set off in mid-afternoon with the sun shining and the wind at our backs. What a stunning day. How thankful I was feeling! Here I was, nearly four decades later in the place of my birth, celebrating Life in the most peaceful and enjoyable way.

    Then we hit the canyon.

    My heart started pumping hard and I concentrated on steering the boat. Above us was a bridge with people on it. I knew one of them. I looked up and smiled and hooted took my paddle out of the water. My friend in the bow did the same. The boat lurched forward. I remembered I was supposed to be steering. “I need you to paddle,” I said to my friend (as calmly as I could). The boat swayed. We righted ourselves and dug in. In minutes we were through the trickiest part. I relaxed. We’d made it!

    That temptation to show off, I tellya. It’s gotten me into trouble in the past. “Look at me! I’m something!” Wham! Reminds me of that Paul Simon song “Gumboots” from his Graceland album: “Believing I had supernatural powers/I slammed into a brick wall.” Yup. Been there. Done that.

    Gotta be careful. Got to focus on the action not how the action will be perceived. Got to let go of trying to impress people. Sigh.

    But despite that little moment of ego-tripping I managed to steer the canyon successfully and that feels like a victory for me. At first I was kind of mad that my dad had put the fear into me. But after we made it through safely I was glad. If he hadn’t given me that warning, which put my guard way up, I might be writing about a river swim I took yesterday. In my actual birthday suit.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Today I will celebrate my victories and rein in my shortcomings. I don’t need to impress anybody but myself.

    Three…

    • September 18, 2010 10:57 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Let us turn now to the subject of speaking up when it is unpopular to do so. For example, you are in a group situation and perhaps someone has brought a child. The child is a lovely creature and on her best behaviour but is nonetheless disrupting the meeting and making it difficult for people to listen and stay focused. No one wants to say anything for fear of offending the parents and yet the situation is calling for something to be said.

    What do you do?

    The choices are simple: 1. Let it go. 2. Say something.

    Letting go is always a good thing. But what if the discussion is extremely important? What if there is someone there who needs the information so badly that her sanity actually depends upon it? Is letting go really the best option?

    Saying something will cause friction. It may even cause resentment. People won’t like it. They may even start to dislike you. But the group is being disrupted and people are getting annoyed. Many people would like to speak up but are fearful of the repercussions. Someone does, in fact, need to step up to the plate.

    Would you be that person?

    I’ve been both the “let it go” person and the “step up” person. The letting go works but provides no real solution. The stepping up opens the door for communication and problem-solving but causes some angry feelings to arise and enter the mix. Neither option is easy. Especially the latter.

    Why? Because someone, inevitably, will decide you are a jerk. You will then have to live with the reality that someone out there doesn’t like you. If you are a person that says, “Who cares?” to this statement I applaud you and celebrate your insouciance. I’m not there yet.

    But I am getting there! Slowly. It’s been a long and winding road so far. Here are some of the more pleasant pit stops:

    • Don’t take things personally.
    • Validate yourself. Don’t wait for someone else to do it.
    • Give yourself a pat on the back (literally — reach up and pat yourself on the shoulder).
    • Look in the mirror. Meet your eyes. Say, “You’re doing great. I love you. I really love you.”
    • Remember to hold your own heart tenderly.
    • Respond to your actions with compassion.

    Whew! Lots of great tools. All beneficial. Some more challenging than others. Especially for the recovering perfectionist.

    In a similar situation to the one above I recently stepped up and said, “This is not working and we need to discuss it.” Afterward, I came home feeling anxious because I knew I’d offended someone. The voices of dissent charged in and started their attack. I bought in for a while and started to beat myself up but then I took charge and used those tools of self-validation to calm myself down and celebrate the courage it took to speak up.

    Not everybody is going to like me. And that’s okay.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Today I will give myself the validation I seek from others. Today I am good enough and I am loved enough because I give myself the love and compassion I need. I believe that I am worth it!

    Four…

    • September 17, 2010 9:38 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Nearby on my desk is a piece of paper that says, “Checklist of Required Materials”. It’s for an application to the Canadian Film Centre and I’ve been staring at it for weeks as I prepare my submission to one of their programs. After pondering the words for so long I started to wonder, “What if we had one of those for Life?”

    A Checklist of Required Materials for Living:

    • Food
    • Shelter
    • Sleep
    • Higher Guidance

    Yup, that’s it. Of course, there are a gazillion more things I could add but how many of them do I really need? The above list names the essentials, the required materials in my life. Vital. Necessary. Can’t do without. When regarded as such it really is a very short list.

    When life gets challenging I find it helpful to drop into this place of Knowing. I have everything I need. I am fed, I have a roof over my head, I am rested and there is a Powerful Source of Energy making it all happen. It keeps things very simple and it makes it easier to be thankful for everything else I do have on top of these basic essentials.

    So today’s Checklist for Required Living? Check, check, check and check.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: What do I really need to live peacefully? Today I will strip my needs down to the absolute essentials. The rest then becomes luxury and so I will practice thankfulness for the Abundance in my life.

    Five…

    • September 16, 2010 10:58 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Lately I’ve been encountering this idea of “the authentic self” in a number of situations and it’s got me thinking. What is it exactly? What does it really mean?

    The dictionary on this computer defines “authentic” as something “of undisputed origin; genuine.” Well, our origin is not undisputed that’s for sure. Whether you’re a creationist or a big bang theorist the subject can be argued ad infinitum. So what about “genuine”? How do we know if we are such a thing?

    Most of my life was spent trying to fit in. I desperately wanted you to like me and so I became a master chameleon. I was equally at ease at a cocktail party or a biker bash. Well, maybe at ease is pushing it. Let’s say I was performing a character as best as I could in order to feel accepted.

    When I hit my late-twenties I realized I didn’t really have any idea who I was. I had become a sort of invented persona, one of my own making, and I felt very, very lost. The last decade-plus has been about finding out who I am. Learning how to be genuine. Discovering the authenticity of my True Self.

    One of the most difficult parts of becoming who we really are is letting go of how we want other people to see us. That desire to be liked creates the People Pleaser and though the title might sound harmless, even noble, it really is anything but. The PP strips us of dignity. As we perform tasks to make other people love us we erode our own self-confidence. We become ghosts of who we really are.

    So after 10+ years on the Healing Path am I any closer to knowing my “authentic self”? What do I really know about who I am today? Well, I know I believe in a Loving Power that exists Back of All Things. I also know that that belief can falter. I know I feel of maximum use when I am helping others negotiate their way through their own healing journeys. And I know that sometimes I don’t feel equipped to do this kind of work.

    Some days I am certain. Others I am confused. Most often I am faithful. More often I am fearful.

    Conclusion: I am human. So human. So very, very human.

    The other day I blogged about seeing the Earth from far above and connecting to the idea that we are One Single Organism. And I so believe that this Oneness is truly the Essence of all that Is. So my authentic self is not only human, it is Divine as well.

    The human experience, the path toward truly understanding the Authentic Self, is the journey of walking in balance with these two parts of ourselves. Some days the balance is very good, other days not so much. But always, always, the Essence is there, simply there, awaiting our return.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Today I will find my way back to Authenticity. I will seek the Divine Essence of who I am and land there, settle in and make a home.

    Six…

    • September 15, 2010 9:41 am

    Dearest Readers,

    What was the happiest moment of your life?

    An easy question to answer? Not for me. The question was put to me this morning and I found myself thinking back to one of my favourite comic strips in which Charlie Brown asks Lucy to to name one thing she likes about him and she says something along the lines of, “Wow. Gee. That’s a stumper. That’s a real poser all right. That’s a puzzle. That’s a real tough one…”

    She uses just about every synonym for “difficult question” that there is. I could find lots of things I like about poor good old, wishy washy Charlie Brown but I happen to feel the same way Lucy does about the question “What was the happiest moment of your life?” I can certainly think of lots of happy moments but the happiest? The pinnacle moment, the moment that surpasses all other things? That one really is a stumper.

    When I got accepted into the National Theatre School of Canada I was pretty happy. I’d been rejected twice before and I’ll never forget the phone call that came saying, “You’re in.” I was ecstatic. But could I call it the happiest moment of my life? I don’t know.

    Then there was the phone call asking me to write a play for the Stratford Festival of Canada. Again, I was over the moon. But I’m not sure the moment deserves the title of “happiest”.

    I’ve heard a number of women describe the birth of their first child as the happiest moment. I could certainly see that being true but I don’t happen to have a kid. I got to witness the birth of my older sister’s first baby this year and no doubt it will top her happiest list. I was extremely happy for her but it wasn’t the happiest moment of my life.

    If I took the time I could probably create a list of the happiest moments. There have been lots of them. Falling in love, receiving certain kinds of recognition, getting off the booze and the dope, climbing mountains, performing on stage, helping other people on the Healing Path. All moments, all happy. But the happiest? Like I said, this one is a true puzzler.

    Maybe my resistance is coming from a place of cynicism. What followed all of these happy moments was not necessarily all happiness. It was life. Challenges ensued. Lessons were learned. Growth took place. All of these elements didn’t take away from the happy moment itself but nevertheless preclude the “happiest” definition taking root.

    Perhaps I haven’t had my happiest moment yet. I like that idea. It’s kind of exciting to think that the happiest moment of my life hasn’t actually happened. Something to look forward to, yes?

    That Charlie Brown strip ended with Lucy walking off in the last panel with the synonyms for “impossible question to answer” trailing behind her. Picture me in the same way, still thinking, still wondering, still searching…

    Inspiring Message of the Day: To be happy means to be Present. When I am here, now, in my body, grounded in my life as it happens, there is no other happiness. What if the happiest moment of my life could occur over and over again throughout the day, each and every day because I am practicing True Presence? I will do my best to stay here today, in the happiness of Now.

    Seven…

    • September 14, 2010 8:55 am

    Dearest Readers,

    In 2000 I did a month-long stint with Calgary’s One Yellow Rabbit Performance Theatre. Each summer they facilitate a Summer Lab and I was lucky enough to get a “scholarship” to go and participate. It had a profound impact on my career as a performer.

    At the start, all the “Labbits”, as we came to be called, introduced ourselves by sharing something peculiar or particular about our lives. One gal named Anne Loree revealed that she was the songwriter behind Jann Arden‘s major hit “Insensitive.” We all oohed and aahed because it was pretty cool to be in the presence of a bonafide hit-maker (number 12 on the US Billboard Hot 100). At the end of the Lab Anne played the song for us in performance. It was a real thrill.

    This morning I’m singing that song. “Maybe you might have some advice to give/on how to be/insensitive.” I’m not singing it about someone else, folks. I’m singing it about me.

    A friend of mine just told me that a few weeks back I sent her an email that contained a comment that really upset her. She couldn’t believe I had written it. It was in shockingly bad taste. She’s been hurting since then and only yesterday did she finally feel ready to confront me about it.

    God. Really? Ugh. So humbling. So challenging to hear this from a dear friend. It’s not the first time, either. Blasted email! How I wish I could blame it on this ridiculous form of communication that causes so many problems, so many misunderstandings and misinterpretations. But no. I cannot shirk this. I must take responsibility for my actions.

    After listening to my friend and apologizing and having a good cry with her about the situation we were able to laugh together and move on. (Now that’s communication.) But I went home still feeling the discomfort of what had transpired. My friend and I had already established that I had not been on top of my game when I sent the email (no kidding) but what else?

    That’s when the word insensitive came to me. Sort of like a beacon in the night. Kind of written across the sky. I can be insensitive. Not a beautiful moment. Not the type of epiphany I really enjoy having. Like a woolly sweater that itches in all the wrong spots. Get it off me.

    Alas, I must wear it before I can take it off. I gotta own it before it can be taken away. So I’m owing it. I’m not saying, “I am an insensitive person.” This is too harsh. “I can be insensitive,” is a gentler admission. It also means I have the quality rather than I am the quality.

    The Inner Work before me now is vital. Now that I have the awareness I need to be willing to change and be changed. I asked my friend how I could make amends to her. (An apology is great but it doesn’t always repair the damage.) She made a suggestion. I’m going to take it. I’m also committing to refraining from sending emails with flippant comments. This means re-reading what I’ve written and saving the message in the drafts folder if I’m unsure.

    Lastly, I can use prayer to heal the underlying fear or wound. What’s insensitivity but self-centredness? What is self-centredness but fear? What is fear but a disconnection from Love? Return me to Love. Heal me. Make me whole.

    With all of these steps I’m hoping instead I might have some advice to give on how to be more sensitive.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: We’re not perfect. We make mistakes. Rather than beating myself up and increasing the shame I will commit to Healing Action. I will make things right where I can and leave the rest to a Loving Higher Power.

    Eight…

    • September 13, 2010 9:51 am

    Dearest Readers,

    “By living regularly in the spiritual consciousness–making it your habitation–no trouble can touch you.”

    This comes from the book Power Through Constructive Thinking by Emmet Fox. I read that passage this morning during the time I take to practice prayer and meditation. Part of me balked. “But I do that and still I get burned!”

    This resistance is also known as the dis-ease. The rebel. The pessimist. The faithless. She’s real and she has a voice but guess what? She’s not the boss of me.

    “No trouble can touch you” does not mean nothing “bad” is ever going to happen. It means with a positive mental attitude we can be free no matter what the situation. We can be free with second-degree burns, with illness, with physical disability. We can be free in prison, in concentration camps, in the darkest of places. We can be free if we make Spiritual Consciousness our mental home.

    My thigh is now marked by a giant red scar. It may go away. It may not. The skin is very smooth. It’s new. It regenerated itself after trauma. The pain of that experience was excruciating and yet I have managed to overcome it by changing my attitude. It wasn’t a punishment. I didn’t attract it because I’m not living rightly. I was presented with an opportunity to practice compassion (for myself and others) and non-judgment (of myself and others). I was presented with an opportunity to turn it around, to ask instead, “Where is the Gift?”

    We can always find the Gift through the power of constructive thinking. I was able to move beyond self-pity. I was able to triumph over physical difficulty. I gained humility. I gained a deeper sense of be-ing. My ability to practice of mindfulness opened up wider than it ever has before.

    As a result of all of these things I can look back and see that despite the grief of the whole burn experience I managed to become mentally free. By dwelling in the Spiritual Solution no trouble really touched me.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Everyday the dis-ease of fear comes knocking. “I want the power!” it shouts. “I wanna drive the bus!” Everyday we may seek refuge in the Spirit to send it packing. Today I will dwell in the Spirit and be free.

    Nine…

    • September 11, 2010 11:32 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Last night I attended a Jennifer Berezan concert at the Yukon Arts Centre. I’ve been hearing about Berezan for a while now. People in this community mention her with great fondness and respect. Always the conversation would be peppered with the spiritual aspect of Berezan’s music and the impact it had on the person’s life.

    The concert was divided into two parts. In the first half, Berezan sang folk songs with her band and in the second she performed Praises for the World, an “ecstatic and heart opening event” during which the audience joins Jennifer and her band singing the refrain “Praises for the World” over and over while individual performers speak or sing over top of the chorus.

    Before she began, Berezan told us that the experience had once gone on for two hours. We would be given the “Reader’s Digest” version at 45 minutes. The word “ecstatic” is used to describe the state created by the repetition of this powerful mantra and I could definitely see how two hours could take you there. At 45-minutes, however, it felt like we were just getting started.

    Behind the band, on a large screen, multi-media artist Marten Berkman projected images of our natural resources, our skies, our galaxy and finally our world. What a thing it is to see our little marble of a planet in one single photograph. It is so huge. And so tiny. We are so far apart and so close together. We are spinning in space. We are rooted to the earth.

    Don’t you just love all of these contradictions? Contained within the essence of our existence is the paradox. We are all alone yet we are inextricably linked together.

    At the end of the concert some of us stood up to sing and clap “Praises for the World” with Berezan and the band. Many people were sitting down. Too afraid to stand up? Perhaps. Unmoved by the the message? It’s possible. Uncomfortable in their bodies? Maybe so.

    I understand the reluctance in such situations to join the crowd. It can feel really yucky. But I got up to Praise the World and I clapped and I shook my tail feather because it’s not about me. It goes beyond my fear, beyond my discomfort, beyond my judgmental thinking. It goes beyond all of these things.

    It goes so far beyond that it actually goes up, up, up into the sky, into the galaxy, into space where the World looks so small that we can see ourselves as we really are: one single organism.

    And from this place of Oneness we can be assured, once again, that we are all in this together, bound by Existence, bound by a Force we cannot explain and yet see nonetheless, all around us, every day, manifest in every Living Thing.

    Praises for the World indeed.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: This world is worth standing up for. I will get up out of my seat and stand up for the gift I’ve been given. The Great and Miraculous Gift of Life.

    Ten…

    • September 10, 2010 8:57 am

    Dearest Readers,

    If I stick to my goal of blogging six days a week for one year then I have exactly ten more posts to go, including today. The countdown is on!

    A few people have asked me if I’m going to continue after the goal is reached (September 21st) and my answer is this: I honestly don’t know. It has been a profound experience in so many ways. I know I have devoted readers and I know people are being inspired by what I write. It’s inspiring me, too, day after day. Seems like a no-brainer, right?

    Not quite. The time and the energy it takes to meet this goal is enormous. I’ve thought about it a lot and there are a few different scenarios I can see happening. The first one is I take a little break. I know it’s going to feel good to wake up and feel the freedom of not having to post something. It’s going to feel like a vacation!

    Once I’ve taken that time I can see myself posting every once in a while when something truly inspires me to write. It won’t be as regular, which is one of the key points to having a successful blog but it might be more genuine. Instead of having to come up with something inspiring I’ll be posting only when the Spirit moves me, so to speak.

    The ideal scenario is that I find an online magazine to publish the blog and I remain in the rhythm of daily posting while generating income from the work. Wouldn’t that be nice?

    I have to admit I like this scenario best. And I’m working on it. I’ve submitted a proposal already to one online magazine and I’m looking at others. I’ll keep you posted…

    Another goal I have is to self-publish the blog in book format. A year’s worth of posts in a wee 5×7 format that people can keep on the bedside table. I’ve thought about calling it The Year of Living Spiritually (a take-off on The Year of Living Dangerously, a decent Mel Gibson flick from the eighties about a journalist living in Indonesia). What do you think?

    For now, let’s enjoy the countdown from ten knowing that we’ve made it this far together. I inspire you, you inspire me. Together we practice living our lives as fully as possible, each day, every day, to the best of our ability.

    Let’s rejoice in that, shall we?

    Inspiring Message of the Day: One of the most meaningful aspects of living is the feeling of connection with others. Even in cyber space we can feel connected to one another. Tapping into this sense of Oneness can carry us through the day, no matter what it brings. Today I will tap into that feeling and rejoice in it!