• Last Day

    • July 31, 2010 5:00 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Years ago I saw an episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show about a family struggling with the notion of dividing items left to them by inheritance. They were arguing in front of Oprah and it was obvious some of them were in great distress.

    Oprah looked them all squarely in the eye and said, “Y’all know it’s not about the silverware, right?”

    They all looked back, blinking, not getting it.

    “It’s not about the silverware.”

    This line has become a joke and and oft repeated phrase in my own family. When there is an argument or when something ticks somebody off inevitably one of us will say, “It’s not about the silverware.”

    I’m hitting the road this morning and flying back home to the Yukon, where I live. It’s going to be a long day and I have a lengthy layover in Vancouver. I planned to pack my own food because it’s so much more convenient for me and I make better food than one can buy in an airport or on a plane.

    One of the meals I planned to make for myself is not going to happen because my mother tossed out the food with which I was going to make my supper. When I opened the fridge this morning and saw it completely bare I almost… what. Lost it? Over a bunch of kale? Yes. Yes, I did.

    It’s not about the kale.

    But I want it to be. Boy do I want it to be. But if you read yesterday’s blog then you and I both know that it goes much deeper than green leafy vegetables. And that is why, after a prayer that contained words describing violent fantasies, a few deep breaths and one giant-mega surrender, I chose to let it go.

    It’s only kale after all.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: When I am angry or resentful of another person am I willing to admit there is more going on than what is immediately visible? Am I willing to own up to the deeper truth? I will pray for the willingness to make a Deep Surrender when my anger becomes too great to bear.

    Reach for the Top and Stop

    • July 30, 2010 8:11 am

    Dearest Readers,

    We inherit our parents’ behaviours. This is not news to anyone. They pass on to us all that they are and all that they know: the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful.

    Both of my parents are perfectionists. It’s no surprise that both of their parents are/were, too. I have struggled most of my life with the effects of this debilitating dis-ease and have done big time work on myself to overcome the suffering perfectionism can cause. As many of you know, I often refer to myself a “recovering perfectionist.”

    It’s easy for me to forget that just as there are two sides to every story so there is an asset to accompany every defect. I was reminded of this last night by my dear old dad.

    For the last couple of weeks I have been staying in Montreal with my parents in a house they are looking after for some friends of theirs. Tomorrow we are all leaving. My mother has been gearing up to do a “major job” on the house before we go.

    This has been the story of our lives. It’s the clean-your-room-the-cleaning-lady-is-coming syndrome. We leave houses in a better state than they were in when we arrived. If we break a glass it gets replaced with a set of six and some placemats on the side. In other words, we have been taught to go above and beyond, over the top, round the loopin’ bend of the call of duty.

    Though I am getting better at keeping my mouth shut in family situations I didn’t manage to do so successfully on this issue. There is a woman coming here to clean the house after we leave and still my mother was talking about this “major job” we had to do to get the house ready.

    So I turned my frustration into a little song while we were doing the dishes: “Above and beyond the call of duty/That’s why we’re so f’d up/Forcing us to go/Above and beyond/The call of duty…”

    My dad cracked up laughing (thank goodness a sense of humour has also been a cherished family trait) but then he said, “You wouldn’t have gotten where you are in life without going above and beyond the call of duty.”

    He was right. I couldn’t rebut. My personal drive can also be attributed to this powerful instinct to please others, to succeed, to do more and be more. If the defect of perfectionism is to go over the top then the asset surely must be  to strive for one’s personal best.

    So I have to hand it to my parents. They gave me a lot of issues from which I am currently recovering but they gave me a lot to be grateful for as well. I owe them more than a critical song-and-dance number. I owe them my deepest thanks.

    Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go and re-tile the guest bathroom.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Every negative attribute I have inherited from the generations before me has a positive side as well. I will recognize the asset in the defect and see if I can find the middle ground.

    Let Sleeping Dogs Lie (Briefly)

    • July 29, 2010 8:40 am

    Dearest Readers,

    These are the Dog Days of summer. According to Wikipedia, “Dog Days… are the hottest, most sultry days of summer… Dog Days can also define a time period or event that is very hot or stagnant, or marked by dull lack of progress.”

    A dull lack of progress. I’m doing my very best to work against this very thing. I’ve been in Montreal for 3 weeks for the birth of my sister’s first child and I’m surrounded by a bunch of family members all on their vacation time. This means a lot of visiting and a lot of relaxing.

    Relaxing is good. I need relaxation. But you know the expression about too much of a good thing. An excess of anything can be harmful. Even down time.

    When I have too much time on my hands I get lazy. And laziness is not relaxation. Laziness is lethargy and lethargy is a lack of energy and enthusiasm.

    When I am leaning too much toward lethargy I’m heading for trouble. Low energy for me tips the scales and I start tending toward negativity and despair. It is absolutely vital that I monitor the amount of “vacation” time I take. Because if I’m not careful I end up taking a vacation from my spiritual well-being.

    So each day I’ve been seeking a balance between hanging out with my family and allowing myself to enjoy leisure time and being vigilant about doing the things that keep my energy flowing. I need to keep up the yoga practice, I need to keep up the business side of things, I need to give service.

    Years ago when I was still figuring all of this out, I rented 3 movies and watched them all in a row. When they were all done I felt like a giant numb blob of poo. The next day I felt like I’d gotten drunk the night before. I had an emotional hangover, which, I learned, comes from too much stimulation (be it from mindless entertainment or acting out in other seemingly harmless yet addictive ways).

    Discovering what works (one movie, once a week) is a process of trial and error. We don’t know what we really need until we give ourselves too much of what we don’t. Even if we’re doing the bare minimum action-wise to stay afloat we will manage to rise above the negative thinking and stay out of the pit.

    Despite the threat of falling backward I’m using all the tools of the Healing Path to continue moving forward. As a result, my body is limber from the yoga asanas, the business is continuing to grow, and I am given the gift of Gratitude from the service work.

    Bark! Bark!

    Inspiring Message of the Day: I will continue to find the balance in my life between relaxation and taking action. I will find what works for me and commit to this practice one day and one task at a time.

    Seeing Anew

    • July 28, 2010 7:22 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Don’t you love it when you’re given the opportunity to see something old in a whole new way? It’s as though a crack appears in the space around you and a pair of hands reaches through and pries open your surroundings. The next thing you know you’re standing in a new place where everything looks the same.

    You’ve arrived in a new realm of understanding.

    Last night I spent the evening with a woman who is currently struggling with some pretty heavy issues. She’d reached her breaking point and the dam had burst. She was crying and I was bearing witness to her grief. She told me this emotional pressure had been building for a while but she hadn’t really been aware of it.

    Having experienced numerous situations such as this I said, “It’s good to have a mini-nervous-breakdown every so often.”

    “No,” she said. “It’s not a breakdown. It’s a break through.”

    This is where that crack appeared in the space around me and I was suddenly transformed. For years now I’ve been calling these times when I’ve had to lose it “mini-nervous-breakdowns.” And yet every single episode has brought me relief and some kind personal growth.

    I’ve been giving myself the short shrift!

    Admittedly, the “breakdown” moniker was somewhat facetious, a little joke to ease the seriousness of the situation, but it also framed the grief in a rather negative way. Why not see the glass half full?

    The dictionary on this computer defines “breakthrough” in this way: “A significant and dramatic overcoming of a perceived obstacle, allowing the completion of a process.”

    I love this! The obstacle is perceived, which means “to become aware of” and the process is allowed to be completed by the breakthrough itself. How great is that?

    Having looked at something in one way for so long this new perception feels monumental. And yet it’s also kind of “duh”. Like, of course.

    Amazing what one little word can do, isn’t it? From down to through. That’s a pretty good Direction to follow.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: What emotional process am I currently negotiating these days? What obstacle is in my way? I will ask for the ability to perceive the obstacle so that I may experience a breakthrough, allowing for the completion of this particular stage in my Journey.

    Let Him Be

    • July 27, 2010 7:38 am

    Dearest Readers,

    If you happen to be spending time in the company of someone who is in a bad mood what do you do? Do you immediately ask her what is the matter? Do you try to compensate for his grumpiness by becoming overly cheery? Do you act like nothing is wrong and behave normally? Maybe you turn sour, too.

    No doubt I’ve responded in “all of the above” ways over the course of my life. I’m certainly sensitive enough to venture the question, “Are you okay?” but I’m also anxious enough to turn into a Chatty Cathy in order to lighten the situation. Often I will choose avoidance. It’s the easy way out. Or I’ll take on the negative energy and ‘bang’ I’m in a bad mood also. I’m a good codependent that way.

    But I’ve changed. Or, more aptly, I’m constantly changing. Willing to try the new behaviour. Willing to do it differently. Willing to evolve.

    I was recently dining with a couple of friends, one of whom was behaving in a most sullen manner. I didn’t feel it was my place to say, “What’s the matter?” although in hindsight I probably could have. My anxiety was rising steadily and I could feel the yakity-yakker itching to get out. I could also feel my anger brewing and foresaw myself joining my friend on his gloomy island of despair.

    But I didn’t feel despairing. I felt grounded. So why should I go there? I shouldn’t.

    So guess what I did? I breathed, relaxed, and I let go. Let him be. I don’t have to take him on. Let him have his feelings. I don’t have to take them on either. Perhaps his own anxiety is causing him grief. I’ve been there. I’m not there now. I can be present with him in his state without altering my own.

    Kind of a miracle. Kind of radical. The temptation to somehow alter the situation was overwhelming. “I’m uncomfortable and I gotta make this different. I can’t handle this I gotta change it.”

    No, I don’t. Breathe, relax, let go.

    It wasn’t long before this man’s own spirits lifted and the atmosphere changed. Not my doing, folks. I was too busy Be-ing.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Today I will not let another person’s mood alter my own. I will stay grounded in my own Power unswayed by what is happening around me. I will breathe, I will relax and I will let go.

    1, 2 and 3

    • July 26, 2010 8:02 am

    Dearest Readers,

    This fall I will be leading a workshop at the Creativity Coaching Association‘s 2nd International Creativity Conference in Lake George, NY. I just got off the phone with Beverly Down, the President and CEO, and she said something really inspiring that I’d like to share with you.

    We were talking about marketing tools for business and she was explaining to me how she makes things happen in her professional life. I’m going to paraphrase and break it down to my own understanding but here is the upshot:

    1. Intention: To begin, I need to have a vision or a goal.

    2. Clarity: What exactly is my vision? What is the goal I’m trying to achieve? It cannot be vague.

    3. Action: There’s no magic. I have to do the footwork.

    I really like this breakdown. It’s simple and simplicity gives rise to effectiveness.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Today I will apply this simple formula to a personal vision or goal. I will do so in order to expand my horizons, build my practice, follow my dreams.

    Keep it Real

    • July 24, 2010 7:52 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Yesterday, as I was describing the last month and a half of my travels to the VA with whom I work, I realized that a lot of my experiences have yet to be integrated into my present reality. Sometimes it takes talking about something to land it in the body, so to speak.

    For example, I had a client in one of the Cultivate Your Courage workshops who talked about the birth of her child and as she told the group her story she said, “I’ve actually never said it out loud like this before.” She went on to describe the most amazing birthing process in splendid detail.

    At the end of the workshop this woman told me she needed to go outside to be alone. “I need to integrate this experience right now,” she explained. “I’ve never done that.” Her kid was two years old.

    Talking about something makes it real. Sometimes more real than the actual occurrence. When we verbalize our experience it somehow makes it more definite. A completion, of sorts, takes place.

    I left the Yukon almost seven weeks ago and since that time I have seen and experienced so much. I have so many stories to tell! Some of them I have told here, some of them I have told elsewhere. Some I may never tell. But what I know is that through the telling the story becomes whole.

    If I keep it to myself I might not get to live it.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: I will give birth to my stories. I will make real my past experiences by talking about them with other people. I will integrate the past with the present thereby making it Real.

    Catch a Buzz

    • July 23, 2010 8:10 am

    Dearest Readers,

    It’s a gorgeous morning here in Montreal. I can see blue sky above the red brick houses across the way and the sun is pouring into the sunroom adjacent to the kitchen where I sit.  Outside, the sound of buzzing cicadas makes me think I’m in the countryside on a hot summer day but the airplanes overhead and the traffic on the street assure me I’m in the city.

    The Big City. When you live in Whitehorse any city beyond the borders of the Yukon is the Big City. I know a lot of Yukoners who can’t stand larger populations but I love ’em and I’ve blogged often about my fondness for connecting to that Big City buzz.

    The small town connection is certainly more personal and that’s what I like about living in Whitehorse. Everybody knows everybody and if they don’t someone will introduce them. The Big City connection is less tangible. It’s not about knowing others. It’s about being an other with a million other others. It’s about a common experience.

    Back in April someone sent me a link to a story about a composer named Eric Whitacre who organized a Virtual Choir. Many of you have probably heard of this idea or have already seen it (the YouTube video has well over a million hits) but I finally got around to checking it out yesterday. It got me thinking about this common experience and connecting.

    Whitacre managed to get 185 people to sing in his Virtual Choir and despite the fact that each singer was by him/herself, alone in his/her home, the project was a fountain of togetherness. The composer had this to say about the depth of connectivity created by the Choir:

    “People want to be together… [The project created] this sense of shared humanity… there is this innate and overwhelming need for people to connect and they’ll do it with whatever means are necessary or available to them… you can have all these people isolated all over the world sitting alone and they go to great lengths to connect.”

    No doubt I’ve blogged before about my favourite quote by the great writer E.M. Forster who said, “Connect. Only connect.” It truly is the greatest human need.

    And do you know how cicadas make that buzzing sound I’m hearing now? The sound that embodies the hot summer day like nothing else I can think of? By contracting and relaxing their abdominal muscles! Umm… kind of like singing? Indeed, “cicadas like heat and do their most spirited singing during the hotter hours of a summer day.”

    Virtually, a choir.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: There is Interconnection everywhere and I am a part of it: Technology/Nature, City/Country. I am a piece of the Great Puzzle of Life!

    Burning Desire

    • July 22, 2010 8:05 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Yesterday I was telling my Spiritual Director about the burn and recounting the story of how it happened and as I described to her the subsequent events that arose from the incident I remembered the absolute grounded Presence I felt on that day.

    Talk about the Power of Now.

    With first and second degree burns covering most of my thigh I was rocketed into the Present Moment where I remained for the rest of the day until I fell into sleep that evening.

    The only other times in my life when I have felt that connected to Reality was when I was on hallucinogenic drugs back in my wild child days. And lemme tellya, the day of the burn was wild. (Right, SP?)

    Believe me, I am not asking for more pain and suffering but there was something so profound about that experience, the awareness I felt, the sense of feeling utterly connected to the moment and totally fused to Life’s unfolding, that a part of me wishes I could return there.

    The good news is I can. In fact, I’m already returned there. Because there is Here. This is the Teaching of the Burn. This is what Eckhart Tolle is talking about. It’s Now. It’s always Now.

    So why is it so f’n challenging to live in the Now? What is so difficult about Be-ing? Shouldn’t it be the easiest thing in the world? After all, we are. Why can’t we just be?

    Well, there’s that baggage we carry. It’s heavy. And there’s that damage we experienced. It’s hardcore. And there are those wounds we suffered. They’re deep. And don’t forget the wrongdoings we committed. They’re shameful. And then there’s the Intellect. Why this, why that? Figure it out, analyze it. Let me understand.

    Sheesh. It’s a wonder we make it through the day sometimes!

    The day after the burn was the day I flew out of New York to Montreal. I was leaving my good friend, who had been with me throughout the whole experience, and I wanted to extend my time with her for as long as I possibly could. I began to plan the day according my my wishes, going hither and thither, busy as a bee.

    Well. “Make plans, God laughs.”

    Before heading out, my friend and I did a little meditation session to start the day and thank goodness we did. Taking the time to get quiet and go within was the best thing I could have done for myself. This is what I heard: “Listen to the Burn.”

    I changed my plans. My friend and I said good-bye and I went early to the airport where I could sit and rest and take care of my leg.

    Listen to the Burn. In other words, live in the Power of Now. Connect to the Great Reality. Embrace the Experience of Being.

    Start now. Or now. Or now. Or now. Or now. Or now…

    Inspiring Message of the Day: When I forget that Life is Happening Now I will bring myself back Here. I will listen to the burning desire of my heart, which is always longing to Be with Great Presence.

    The Newborn in You

    • July 21, 2010 7:15 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Those of you who have had children or who have spent time with new parents would know this already but the thrill of holding a brand new baby is pretty much second to none. The birth of my eldest sister’s first child has recently given me this marvelous opportunity.

    Yesterday I sat with baby nephew resting on my lap for almost an hour, staring at his sleeping face, playing with his tiny toes, admiring his little wee self. It was better than TV, better than a movie, a book, Facebook, and all of the above combined.

    No doubt about it, newborns are mesmerizing. They hold the key to something. What is it? Our vulnerability? Our strength? From  their soft and tender selves comes the essence, the very Power of Life. In them we see it All.

    We say, “It’s a miracle.” And then the baby grows up and becomes a person and we no longer see the miracle. We see the mess. But every single grown-up was a newborn once. And that Power is still there.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Am I able to see the newborn child in the grown-up? What if I could? What if I could take the time to see that Miracle in every single person I meet? Today I will do my best to remember this and put it into practice.