• Power Full

    • March 20, 2010 7:25 am

    Dearest Readers,

    As I’ve written before, this URL is called Cultivate Your Courage for a reason. That reason is simple: I have had to learn how to cultivate my own courage day after day after day to overcome deep-seeded fears and insecurities.

    To live fear-less is my greatest vision.

    And Life, (thank-you, Life) continues to present me with opportunities to walk through my fear day after day after day.

    Like today. I am privileged enough to be a part of a Film Forum here in Whitehorse that has brought together a handful of film producers and distributors from outside the Territory to meet those of us who are up-and-coming in the industry and hear our pitches.

    Last evening, we had a chance to mingle with the delegates and chat with them in an informal and relaxed session. A friend of mine and I were speaking after it was all over and giving ourselves credit for showing up at all. Both of us had had the same thought, “I don’t want to go.”

    Fear.

    This morning, we have the opportunity to pitch our projects to the panel and lemme tellya, if there is anything that can bring up the fear of failure and fear of success in a (wo)man, this is it.

    But something has changed in me. I’m not saying the fear is not poking at me like a little pin here and there, jabbing to get my attention. It is. But I am not sick with it. I’m not paralyzed or desperate. I’m okay. In fact, I’m good.

    This is because I am employing the tools I’ve picked up over the years to achieve my vision of being fear-less and they’re working.

    The one that is really bringing me a sense of calm is the “expect nothing” tool. Maybe these people can help me make my movie and maybe they can’t. Who knows? We’ll see. One thing I know is that if someone on that panel really wants to help me, it’s gonna happen.

    So how do I get that person to want to?

    I don’t.

    More tools I’m sharpening and polishing this morning: I can’t make anybody do anything and I can’t force outcomes.

    “I am already enough.”

    If I go in there determined to somehow make someone want to work with me, I’m doomed. If I go in there feeling like I need these people to make the movie, I’m doomed. None of them have the power to validate me or my work and if I give them that power, that’s right, all together now, “I’m doomed.”

    With or without them, the project I have is of value. With or without them, I have value.

    Might seem like a no-brainer to some of you who are perhaps more evolved than I am but for the gal who has sought validation from others for most of her natural born life and for a gal who has believed that someone else is going to discover her talents and make her successful, it’s a friggin’ miracle.

    Newsflash: that someone is me.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: The Power I have comes from a Higher Source. It doesn’t come from another human being. No one has the power to make me or break me unless I give away my power to that person. Today I will not give away my power. I will own my power by aligning my thoughts and actions with Higher Guidance.

    Gratitude and Gosh Almighty

    • March 19, 2010 10:09 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Thanks for being my virtual coach yesterday. Because of the commitment I made on the blog I managed to write the story I’m going to tell tomorrow night for World Storytelling Day. It took me all day but I did it!

    Now I just have to “learn” it.

    😉

    —

    Today’s Inspiring Message of the Day is totally unrelated to the above post but it is completely marvelous nonetheless and has filled my morning with wonder and awe, which are truly inspiring states of being:

    Did you know that a blue whale’s tongue is the size of an elephant?!

    Commit To It

    • March 18, 2010 9:29 am

    Dearest Readers,

    After posting yesterday that I had found a new story to tell this weekend I sat down and started to learn it. Halfway through I thought, “I do not want to tell this story.”

    Going over the grim details of how and why I moved to Edmonton literally sucked the energy right out of me. So I abandoned it.

    Later, as I was walking along the street, I realized the part of the story that I do wish to tell comes later. The inspiring part involves me becoming aware of the Spirit of the Universe working as an active Guide in my life. That’s why “God lives in Edmonton.”

    As the client of a Business Coach and as an Inspiring Coach myself, I am more than familiar with the idea of making a commitment to an action plan. What helps us follow through with that commitment is the verbal statement.

    We gotta tell someone and we gotta say it out loud.

    When we’re procrastinating, when we don’t want to do the thing we must do (learn a new story, for example), we can overcome the fear by making the verbal commitment to another person. “I commit to doing XYZ by the end of today.”

    So, if you don’t mind, in the spirit of Self-Coaching and knowing I have a captive audience (AKA Support Team) out there reading this, here goes:

    I commit to learning a new story today.

    Thanks for receiving it!

    Inspiring Message of the Day: It helps to state our goal(s) aloud and to another person. Doing this takes it out of thought and into action. Today, I will tell someone my goal and commit to completing the first action step.

    Story Time

    • March 17, 2010 9:22 am

    Dearest Readers,

    The other day I posted on Facebook that I needed a “new story”. I did so because I’m telling this weekend for the Yukon International Storytelling Festival in celebration of World Storytelling Day. The theme is “Light and Shadow”.

    The stories that I have in my bag certainly fit with the theme but none of them are really calling me. A story sometimes asks to be told. None of the usual suspects in my repertoire have been asking.

    This morning, at Toastmasters, I told a story about the death of James Dean. I’m working my way through an Advanced Manual called “Storytelling” and the current project I had to tackle was “Bringing History to Life” with a story about a historical character.

    It’s a great story and I enjoyed telling it but I’m sorry, Jimmy. It’s just not going to fly for the YISF.

    As a writer/performer/producer, what I do, essentially, is tell stories. But storytelling as a form is very specific. That said, there are diverse styles within the form, which vary from the loose recounting of an event to the stylized performance of a memory or dream. Any form is alright by me for who does not like to tell or listen to a great story?

    So, as I am inclined to do when at a loss, I prayed for a story to tell this Saturday night. Not begged, just “put it out there”. And this morning, after TM, while I was breathing deeply in a spinal roll during yoga practice, the story came.

    It’s the story of why I moved to Alberta and why I left Alberta and the four months in between and, believe me, Light and Shadow fits the bill. I think I’m gonna call it “God Lives in Edmonton”.

    If you live in Whitehorse, come!

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Our lives are full of stories! Today, tell a story, listen to a story, learn from a story. “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” ~ Maya Angelou

    Lessons Learned

    • March 16, 2010 9:03 am

    Dearest Readers,

    It’s been exactly two weeks since I got back from the Olympics and I finally feel like I’ve returned to the land of the living. Note to self: it takes a 4-day spiritual retreat plus 2 weeks to recover from creative projects that take 7 months.

    That’s not bad. Hey, maybe I’m pushing it. Maybe I’m still recovering. Maybe I should give it five more weeks. Like jet lag hours. You know, it takes as many days to recover from jet lag as number of hours in the time change? Maybe it takes as many weeks to recover from the Big O as number of months on the project.

    But I am feeling better. My energy is flowing freely again and I’ve got that excitement and joie de vivre back, which has definitely been missing from the ol’ attitude and outlook in recent days.

    People keep asking me, “What’s next?” and my answer is a whopper: “Produce a feature film.”

    Whaaaat?

    “Okay, I just conquered the Olympics now what can I do to top that?” The truth is, the feature film has been in the works for a very long time. Looking at it now, I see that the Big O Project was the perfect training ground for the movie.

    Yesterday, I was finishing off the Final Report for the Big O, which required that I include “lessons learned”. I’d like to share some of them with you.

    Here we go:

    Take deadlines seriously.

    Don’t panic or bow to pressure.

    It’s okay to make a mistake.

    Communication is not an Olympic sport. (That little gem came from our Stage Manager.)

    One cannot really trust the Press.

    Animals are a wild card.

    Taking risks is good but be prepared for mishaps. That’s why they’re called risks.

    Always have a Plan B.

    Trust yourself, even when no one else does.

    Don’t take criticism personally.

    Keep your expectations in check. If they are too high, you will inevitably be disappointed.

    Read the fine print. And the big print.

    Do your best. Then tell yourself it’s good enough.

    Ask for help.

    Surrender when the battle is not worth fighting.

    Wear a padded bra.

    That last one has a really good story behind it. Maybe I’ll tell it someday!

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Taking the time to write out what lessons I’ve learned gives me a very clear picture of the experience and wisdom I’ve gained and provides me with an insurance policy I can refer to in the future. I might end up learning certain lessons again but it’s not mandatory!

    Recycling

    • March 15, 2010 9:19 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Yesterday I saw a young girl I know, an addict, climbing out of a dumpster. She was with her mother, also an addict, and they were collecting cans and bottles for refund. She saw me and I smiled and said hello but her obvious embarrassment kept me from lingering.

    At one point in time I was helping this girl, mentoring her, providing guidance and support for her to stay clean. She was doing really well for a while but then she slipped away, spiraling back and down, giving up on herself, relapsing and refusing help.

    It was painful to see her leaping out of that big bin of garbage in the alley. But I imagine the pain she is in is much worse. Knowing how far down she’s gone to end up inside a dumpster picking through trash to find a five-cent bottle.

    I’ve been reading about reincarnation lately and meditating on the idea that we come back to this earthly plane over and over again until we learn what it is we are supposed to learn. It’s an endlessly fascinating concept.

    Here is a quote from the book:

    “An understanding of Reincarnation not only solves most of life’s riddles but serves as a sign-post for all sorts of questions… It is the sovereign remedy for depression and discouragement and regret. It is the gospel of freedom and hope.”

    I can apply this to the situation of my young friend to help me understand it but you know what? It still hurts.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: “Love the suffering.” A person might be living out her karma but I can still feel the pain and do my best to respond with compassion.

    The Russian Soldier

    • March 13, 2010 12:33 pm

    Dearest Readers,

    As I’ve mentioned a number of times before, I have a subscription to the New Yorker magazine (thanks, Dad) and though the speed at which it arrives in my mailbox and the volume of its contents can be overwhelming I have come to thoroughly enjoy the inspiration it provides.

    At the moment I’m reading a wonderful piece by Ian Frazier about his travels through Siberian Russia. His writing is simple and yet elegant and his style is rich with sensitivity and sensuality. I’ve kind of fallen in love with him because of it.

    Reading the article has brought back memories of my own trip to Russia in the earliest part of 1991. In fact, I and my fellow McGill students rang in the New Year in Tallinn, Estonia, having arrived by train the day before all the way from the blackened streets of dreary and fascinating Moscow.

    I was 19 years old and studying Russian because I had a 40 year-old boyfriend who was doing entrepreneurial business in Russia at the time. I loved learning the language and though I can only speak a few scant phrases today and remember little of what I was taught I can still pronounce the alphabet and read Russian words off a page.

    After our New Year’s celebration we took train from Tallinn to Leningrad (the collapse of the Soviet Union took place later that year so the country we visited was still hanging on to Communism, albeit by the skin of their teeth — only a few months later would the city become St. Petersburg once more) and I recall the dirty, mud-caked windows, which made seeing out impossible, and the sense that none of us knew where we were or where we were going.

    Upon arrival in Leningrad, I checked my pockets to make sure I had everything before getting off the train. Something was missing. I had stuffed a wad of tightly rolled American dollars into a film canister for safe-keeping. It was gone.

    I searched madly throughout the train’s car, crawling on the floor to look for it. After 15 minutes our chaperone told me to let it go. I was keeping everyone waiting.

    I refused.

    It had to be here, I reasoned. I boarded the train with it. It could not have disappeared.

    Soon a handful of Russian soldiers entered the car. They had no English to understand me but they saw my panic and they saw my determination. They hovered around nervously.

    On hands and knees, searching one more time beneath my seat, I heard a faint sound, like the sound of a small, plastic item hitting the floor and rolling down the aisle toward me.

    “Found it!” someone cried (in Russian, of course). I stood up. One of the soldiers held out the canister. Was this what I’d been looking for? Relief flooded through my entire body. I thanked him profusely. Where had he found it? Just there, on the ground. I was so grateful that I gave him some of that money as a reward.

    As the Chaperone hurried me away, we looked back at the soldiers standing in the light of the doorway. The black train was invisible in the black night. “You’re lucky you got it back,” she said.

    What did she mean?

    “Don’t you realize? One of them had your little treasure. He pretended to find it only because you were refusing to give up. He must have been scared we would call in the higher authorities.”

    As I was reading Mr. Frazier’s article this story, and its mystery, came back to me, detail by detail, nearly two decades later. How did the soldier get the canister of money in the first place? Did he decide to drop it by virtue of his own merit or was he ordered to do so by the others?

    There was probably US$200 in that container. How lucky was I to get it back?

    The memory of this incident has inspired me. I am struck by the vastness of my life experience, the scope of over 14,000 days on this planet, and the myriad stories embedded within this time frame.

    How vast and rich with images are our lives. Just like Siberia.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: How many days have I been on the planet? How many stories are contained in this number? Today I will allow the stories of my past to enrich my present experience.

    Movin’ On Up

    • March 12, 2010 10:29 am

    Dearest Readers,

    A snippet of a conversation from yesterday with a fellow yogi:

    (hugging hello)

    Her: How are you?

    Me: Today is rough.

    (she hugs me more tightly)

    Her: Is it post-Olympic blues?

    Me: Must be.

    Her: Could be seasonal. I was talking to X and she’s off her game. I’m feeling sadness, too.

    Me: I don’t buy into the seasonal thing at all. It’s FEAR and it’s my responsibility to figure out what it’s about and right now it’s manifesting as WRATH.

    Her: Excellent.

    (she smiles)

    Me: Yeah, it is excellent.

    (we laugh heartily)

    Well, the first thing I notice as I look back on this moment is my own lack of compassion. The second is how hard I am on myself (see responsibility part in conversation as well as sentence immediately preceding this one) and the third is how humour can defuse any bomb.

    So let me now offer compassion to those who do suffer from SAD or whose emotions are particularly susceptible to seasonal changes. For me, when I am off my game, what I find most helpful is an investigation into the fear.

    When I ask myself “What is fear behind this feeling?” I often find that I am able to release the emotional pain, which may be manifesting as fatigue, anger, sadness, or depression.

    So what is the fear behind my current emotional state? The fear of moving forward. If I put my life on hold by remaining in “depression” I won’t have to experience failure, criticism, rejection, disappointment and all the other good things that come with success.

    Okay, so now I have awareness. Next comes the more challenging part: being willing to change.

    Being aware of the truth about the fear makes it somewhat easier to change but becoming willing to change is a whole other matter. Because If I’m willing to change it means I gotta. It means I have to let go of trying to control the situation. It means I have to fall into the unknown.

    Scary.

    But, as one of our heroes, Eleanor Roosevelt, says, we must do the thing we think we cannot do. And once we do that, and come out the other side, we see that it’s possible. And once we know that it’s possible we can do it again. And again. Soon we have a track record of courage behind us.

    My own track record is about ten miles long already. So I do know, in my heart of hearts, that by walking through my fear, by moving forward, by heading into the unknown I am going to be okay.

    Not only am I going to be okay I’m going to be amazed. Good things are waiting. Courage merits Grace.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: One more time I will become willing to walk through the fear that is holding me back, keeping me from my Highest Good, blocking the Spirit of Love that is available to me at all times should I choose to accept it.

    Remember What You Know

    • March 11, 2010 9:48 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Although I have now been back home for over a week after traveling I am continuing to negotiate the murky waters of re-entry mode. This means I move back and forth between feeling totally inspired and excited about my life and total exhaustion and dread.

    It was very good for me to go back and re-read that earlier post, linked above. To hear myself say, “Everything can wait. I’m at my best when I’m rested” is a healing balm on the fried wires of my brain.

    Indeed, I have been resting. But I’ve also been very busy working away at all kinds of things, too. Perhaps I’ve been driving a little too fast, thinking I have to get to the next destination, forgetting that the destination is now.

    “What works best is finding a balance between work and rest.”

    Yes, I really said that. Quoting myself might seem a little bit like megalomania but the wisdom I offer on this blog doesn’t really come from me in the first place. It comes from all kinds of wise men and women who have offered it to me and to them it came from Higher Guidance.

    So, in fact, I’m taking advice today from the Source of Wisdom itself, the Nap God.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Though I am wise, I forget sometimes what is best for me. I need to be reminded of what my real needs are and today I’m willing to check in with myself to discover what they might be.

    Top Ten Morning

    • March 10, 2010 10:11 am

    Dearest Readers,

    I’ve only been awake for two hours but here are ten things that have already inspired my day:

    1. Watching someone walk through her fear by getting up in front of a group of strangers to give a speech for the first time.

    2. Hearing a man say he has never in his life known what it means to be obsessed with something.

    3. Feeling the cold, fresh air of a -10C morning.

    4. Realizing that it is now light out at 8 a.m.

    5. Feeling the deep stretch of my spine in Sarvangasana — Shoulder Stand.

    6. Reading my friend Leanne’s blog: Living with Breast Cancer.

    7. Watching the sun peek over the mountains and head into the sky.

    8. Petting the soft and silky fur of the little monkey cat I live with.

    9. Having a brief conversation about the unity and community created by Canada’s Olympics and being reminded of what a thrill it was to be a part of it.

    10. Breakfast.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: I will name ten things that have already inspired me so far today. I will do this to remind myself how amazing life is and how rich it is to be awake and alive.