• In Progress…

    • January 20, 2010 10:33 am

    Dearest Readers,

    When I was 18 years old I worked at Mountain Equipment Co-op in Toronto. It was a really fun place to work because the staff were all outdoor-loving people who really lived the life they were selling.

    One of our products for sale at the time was a t-shirt that said, “I don’t care what you think.” There were more than a few of us who bought one and wore it to work. That t-shirt made me feel cool. However, I always felt like a liar when I wore it because in fact, deep down, I did care what you thought of me.

    About ten years ago, when I first got on the healing path, a woman said to me, “What other people think of me is none of my business.” She was giving me a tool to counter the self-centered mind, the fear of other people’s judgment, the people-pleasing perfectionist.

    For years I have worked on letting go of what other people think of me. I’ve made great progress but I find it hugely challenging. It’s especially difficult when critics say what they think of me in newspapers. Not only do I have to let go of what the critic thinks about me but what all the readers are going to think of me after they read the piece!

    I’ve recently heard some criticism around the fact that I’ve hired a composer from outside the Yukon to co-write a Yukon Anthem for the Big O Project. It doesn’t matter that I am the co-writer and I was born here, it doesn’t matter that this person loves the Yukon with all his heart, it doesn’t matter that the majority of Yukoners are not “from” here anyway.

    It doesn’t even matter that the song is called “Live in Peace”!

    None of this matters to the critic. To the critic the song is crap because the composer is from Toronto.

    “What other people think is none of my business.” Folks, I’m a work-in-progress on this one today.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: I’m doing the best I can with what I’ve got. We can’t please everybody! If someone doesn’t like who I am or what I do I will remember that it’s none of my business and I will do my best not to take it on.

    What’s Wrong is Right

    • January 19, 2010 10:12 am

    Dearest Readers,

    This morning, the cat started meowing at 4 a.m. and didn’t stop for 3 hours. Why didn’t I just get up and feed him you ask? I thought about it in my half-asleep state but I simply couldn’t move my body. Bone tired.

    Finally, at 7:30, he staged a barfing session. I sat up with a jolt, as I usually do when he starts heaving up the hairball, ready to dash out of bed and set him on the fake hardwood so I don’t have to clean the carpet. But when I turned on the light there was nothing to be seen. It was a false alarm.

    Or was it? I got up, he got fed and I got to work.

    Yesterday, a similar alarm-clock-alternative occurred when the phone rang at 7:19 a.m. It was a friend calling from Back East, forgetting the time change. At first I was miffed but then I was glad. If I hadn’t received that call I might not have wakened at all and I had a ton of work to do.

    It occurred to me both yesterday and today that Higher Guidance was in on these shenanigans. Both times, I needed Big Help to get out of bed. Both times, I got it.

    When I see the world this way, it helps me. It can even turn my anger into laughter. Instead of being pissed off that I got woken up I can see it as funny. A barfing cat as an instrument of Divine Intervention. Hilarious!

    Last night, I started to go into a panic about scheduling a video shoot for the Big O Project. Organizing a shoot time for 15 different people was not happening. I began to trying to think of a solution. How could I make it work? I could force it to work somehow, if I only tried harder.

    Then I remembered this other way of thinking. What if everything was perfect already? What if that person couldn’t make it because this other thing needed to happen? What if I were to move forward with things just as they were?

    I shifted my perception. “The Universe is conspiring to make everything work exactly as it’s supposed to.” Trust and let go.

    Total relief. Total surrender. Total freedom.

    Who needs an alarm clock when you’ve got the Creator of the Universe on wake-up call duty?

    Inspiring Message of the Day: When things appear to be going “wrong” I can turn them around by asking, “What if they are going right?” I can accept what is, and see it as perfect.

    You Know You Gotta Have Them

    • January 18, 2010 10:24 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Have you heard the expression “ear worm”? I only recently learned it from Randy Bachman while listening to his Vinyl Tap program on CBC. It’s a term that is used to describe a song that is stuck in your head.

    Today I have an ear worm. It’s from a 1993 song called “Dreams” by Gabrielle and the lyrics that are going round and round in my head are “Dreams can come true”.

    Over the weekend I had a little dream come true. I got to sing on a track being recorded in a studio. Headphones, in the booth, behind the glass, the whole nine yards. Remember that ’80s Canadian show Thrill of a Lifetime? This was my Thrill of a Lifetime!

    The best part about it was that I didn’t plan it. The song, as I’ve posted earlier, is for the Big O project I’m working on and it involves numerous singers and musicians, all of whom have heaps of experience and talent. When the suggestion was made that I take a shot at one section of the song I was terrified by the idea but I didn’t say no.

    Despite the pounding of my heart and the jittering of my nerves, I gave it my best shot. I went into that booth and sang my heart out. Guess what? We ended up using it in the final recording of song.

    This blog is just one piece of my overall vision to live a fearless life. So much of the work I’ve done in the last couple of years has been about clearing away the stuff that keeps me fearful, Old BS (Belief Systems) that tell me I’m not worthy of love, abundance or success. I do not do this alone. Mentors, sponsors, coaches, spiritual directors, you name it, I’ve got one.

    By nurturing self-love, by doing the emotional and spiritual cleansing that the healing journey requires, I have found myself in greater and greater positions of abundance and success. As I’ve walked through my fear, my fear has walked away.

    A few short years ago I would not have been able to sing in a recording studio. My Old BS would have sabotaged the situation. Fear of failure, fear of success. I would not have been able to hit the notes and I would have cracked under pressure.

    But I didn’t crack. I sang with confidence and ease despite the fact that I was nervous and scared. My new way of thinking, brought on by a rigorous adherence to taking care of my spiritual well-being, carried me through. And the Great Spirit. Let’s not forget That.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Dreams can come true. But not by wishing. We need to do the footwork. I will continue to clear away the self-defeating behaviours that keep me in fear. I trust that if I am vigilant about this kind of healing work, my dreams will come true.

    Crash the Pity Party

    • January 16, 2010 7:44 am

    Dearest Readers,

    My world has become very small in the last week because I’ve been in a recording studio every day co-producing an anthem for the Big O project. I’ve heard clips of news from the outside world but have not been really engaged in what’s happening.

    I knew there’d been an earthquake in Haiti but it took reading my friend Leanne Coppen’s Living with Breast Cancer blog to actually Google and follow the story.

    So I just learned that 3 million out of Haiti’s 10 million people are right now without access to basic amenities like food, water, shelter and electricity. Three million. That’s about the size of Toronto proper. Can you imagine that entire city’s core in such a state?

    How can I, on the other side of the world, living my tiny little life, doing my great big art project, respond to this in any kind of meaningful way?

    Ignoring it is one reaction. “Oh, I can’t do anything about it so, oh well.”

    Guilt is another. “Well, I can feel bad for what I have, at least.”

    I can send money. “It’s the least I can do.”

    Or I can practice gratitude and rejoice in my life today. I’m alive. I get to live another day. I can take that in, deeply, and not take it for granted like I do most days. I can turn today into the fullest possible celebration of living by being thankful.

    If you read Leanne’s post you’ll see that she has found a way to be grateful in the face of devastating circumstances. She crashes her own pity party by looking at what she has, not what she has not. This is the most inspiring message of all, anytime, anywhere.

    Leanne’s post reminded me that I have to count my blessings. When my life becomes so insular that all I’m thinking about is my stuff, I can’t see the forest for the trees. I’ve become self-centred. I am blind to all that I have been given and I often focus on what’s wrong rather that what is right.

    I need to be reminded pretty much constantly to remove myself from the centre of the Universe, to step back and look at the whole picture, and remember that I am a part of the whole but not the whole part.

    It’s pretty easy to practice gratitude when I’ve got my basic amenities covered and I don’t have stage four breast cancer. What about when the quake/cancer hits, when the rubble/chemo buries everything? When we are stripped of all that we hold dear? For what then can we be thankful? Leanne reminds us that it’s still possible to find something and rejoice in it.

    Rough count of blessings? About 3 million.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: My way of giving back is to be grateful. To enjoy this day and live it, fully, as thought it were my last.

    The Bank of Love

    • January 15, 2010 9:30 am

    Dearest Readers,

    The other day I heard a man talking about making mistakes. He had just read a recovery-oriented book and was greatly helped by what it had to say. One particularly meaningful passage for him described how to “capitalize” mistakes by overcoming them.

    I like this. In this context, capitalize means “realize” or “convert into capital”. What is capital? Assets. Wealth.

    During the course of the Big O Project (my new name for the project I’m working on for the 2010 Olympics), I have made many mistakes. Like, a lot. A big lot. At one point in my life these mistakes would have devastated me. I probably would have given up. Or, at the very least, brooded for days. Mistakes, for the perfectionist, are acutely painful.

    Today, as a recovering perfectionist, I have a different attitude. The old pinch can still be felt so it’s not quite water-off-a-duck’s-back but I am aware now. I am aware of my Old BS (Old Belief System) that tells me if I can’t do it perfectly it shouldn’t be done, or that I’m bad or worthless or stupid.

    I’m also aware of a New Approach, similar to the one described above. I can react differently. I can choose a different path. I can say to myself, “I made a mistake. It’s okay,” and I can move on.

    We are allowed to make mistakes! What a concept. How important, how vital to our collective well-being, is this statement! Perfectionist culture perpetuates nothing but shame and self-loathing. It says, “You’re not good enough,” and we buy in.

    Apparently, next weekend in this town where I live there is a protest against our current Prime Minister and his decision to prorogue Parliament. Just between you and me, I’d rather march against perfectionism.

    So how do we turn mistakes into assets? How do we capitalize upon them? How do we use them for personal wealth? By learning from them. By doing things differently the next time and not beating ourselves up in the first place. By sharing our experience with others so that they might avoid the same situation. By having compassion with our less-than-perfect friends, colleagues, and fellow beings.

    These tools are capital for the bank of our individual and collective well-being. It’s the best kind of investment we can make and the interest rate is sky high.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: I’m allowed to make mistakes. If I make a mistake, I will acknowledge it, tell myself it’s okay, and move on. From this I gain personal wealth in the form of self-love.

    The Yoga of Change

    • January 14, 2010 10:36 am

    Dearest Readers,

    A couple of years ago I was having dinner with a fellow yoga instructor and after telling her about a recent transformation I’d experienced through doing some heavy-duty emotional/spiritual work I said, “I want to write a book called the Yoga of Change.”

    She thought it was a great title and whenever I would go through yet another big change in my life I would remember the vision of the book. Yesterday, I heard a story that could constitute another chapter. Call it “From Terror to Talking Proud.”

    The story was actually a speech and I heard it in a Toastmasters meeting. In earlier blogs I’ve mentioned that I’m a member of this organization, which helps people “to practice and hone communication and leadership skills.”

    I joined because I’m building my business as a professional speaker but Toastmasters is a kind of fellowship and I’ve gained so much more than I bargained for. It’s fun, I’ve made business connections as well as friends, and my self-esteem keeps growing with every meeting.

    The speech that triggered the idea for the aforementioned chapter was given by a man who went from having a debilitating fear of public speaking to landing a job where it was the number one required skill. Confidentiality is important at Toastmasters so I won’t tell you exact details but I was absolutely astonished by the story of his transformation.

    The Yoga of Change.

    Yoga means “union” and specifically the union between the Divine Self and the Individual Self. The Yoga of Change, as I would have it, refers to the kind of change that either comes from actively seeking this union or the kind that unwittingly solidifies it.

    I don’t think this man was actively seeking to unify his connection with the Divine as he practiced getting up in front of people to speak but by doing so he made the journey from fear to courage. To my mind, he unknowingly unified his connection with the Divine by becoming fearless.

    Change is not easy. I’m going through the biggest change of my life right now working on this Olympic project. Every day the fear rears its head and threatens to pull me back. But I do not succumb. I do not let it win.

    Thank you to the man who gave his story of courage and hope. Inspiring works!

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Today I will use the Yoga of Change to keep moving forward, fearlessly, with the Divine as my steadfast guide.

    Striving

    • January 13, 2010 10:33 am

    Dearest Readers,

    As part of the project I’m currently working on, I have spent the last 3 days in a recording studio overseeing the artistic direction of a Yukon Anthem, which I co-wrote with a brilliant young musician named Bryce Kulak. We’ve been having a ball.

    I’m a closeted songwriter. People often say to me, “It’s so amazing that you’re actually living your dream!” But the truth is, my dream is to be a rock star. I love singing and I love writing songs but my attempts to play guitar made it clear that I was better off staying in the closet, singing my little ditties to my sweater collection.

    All that to say, having the opportunity to sit in a recording studio and observe the bevy of hugely talented Yukon musicians we’ve brought in to sing on the anthem is the absolute bees knees.

    The song we’ve written is called “Live in Peace”. Listening to all of these singers bring the words to life, over and over, hour after hour, is not only inspiring, it’s sounding the call. Live in Peace. This is a call to all of us.

    And it’s a high call. Perhaps the highest call of all. Because in order to live in Peace we must practice Unconditional Love. Unconditional Love means no judgment. This is a tall order. Okay, it’s bigger than a tall order. It’s an XXX-Large-Super-Size-Venti order. Which is why I call it a practice. Because we can’t do it perfectly.

    When I was sixteen I did an Outward Bound course. Outward Bound is an outdoor “school” that teaches leadership and team-building skills. I did the course (a 21-day adventure north of Thunder Bay, ON) over twenty years ago but I have never forgotten their motto: “To Serve, to Strive, and not to Yield.”

    I love this. When I think of the call to Live in Peace, the call to live free of judgment and intolerance toward ourselves and others, I think of the second part of the Outward Bound motto. To Strive.

    The dictionary on this computer describes striving this way: “Make great efforts to achieve or obtain something.” Great efforts. Effort means “a vigorous or determined attempt.” Attempt.

    There is nothing about perfection in these definitions. Just make a go of it. Give it a shot. Do the best you can. Practice.

    When we present the show next month our song will be launched into the world for your listening pleasure. I hope you sing it with us.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: I can strive to practice Unconditional Love. When I make that effort, which is great, I get to experience what it truly means to Live in Peace.

    Let Go and Trust

    • January 12, 2010 10:18 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Have you ever been in a situation where you worked on something for a long time on your own and when other people came on board as collaborators you found yourself getting irritable, anxious and impatient when the project went differently than you expected?

    As an artist heavily involved in collaborative forms such as theatre and film I’ve experienced this scenario many times. I have an idea and I become attached to it. When other artists change (or do not adhere to) said idea, fear rises to the surface.

    What is the fear about? Depending on the situation, it might be about being wrong, or about having to let go of something I’ve worked so hard on. It could also be the fear of what other people will think of the end result, or fear of failure.

    I’ve learned that if I’m getting irritable then one of these fears is very likely being triggered. It is also highly probable that my expectations are not being met. Things are not going the way I had designed them in my head.

    All these fears are ego-related and when my ego is at stake, I’m spinning the planet. And when I’m spinning the planet I’m in trouble. Don’t have the power, not my job.

    The best tools I know of to use in situations like this are having faith and letting go of expectations. One is about trust and the other is about surrender. Neither is easy to do. Both bring peace.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: When I get irritable I will ask myself which fear is being triggered. I will then practice trusting that everything is unfolding exactly as it should. I will let myself be carried by the Flow.

    Taking Direction

    • January 11, 2010 9:55 am

    Dearest Readers,

    The last two mornings I have woken up super early with great plans to start knocking off the tasks ahead one-by-one. And on both mornings I ended up going back to bed and sleeping for another couple of hours.

    What is important to note is that both yesterday and today I took a moment to check in with myself before I climbed back under the covers. I stopped (literally stood still) and asked myself what I really needed. Was it more important to get things done or to get some more shut-eye?

    After going “within” and listening for the intuitive feedback, I followed Direction and got back into bed.

    Though I tend more and more toward believing that rest should always trump activity it’s not necessarily the case. I could very easily have done the same check-in and intuitively known that I needed to work. But there was a time when I wouldn’t even have bothered to ask myself about my needs. Charge ahead! Well-being be damned!

    As an Inspiring Coach and as the client of a Business Coach I have become familiar with a tool that asks clients to name his/her “victories” or “wins”. If you would have told me that one day I would list “going back to bed when I’m tired” as a victory I would not have believed you.

    Today, I call it a victory.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: I may think I know what is best for me but I’m willing to be wrong. I will take the time to check in with my physical, emotional, and spiritual needs before making a decision and I will listen for (and take) Direction.

    Thanks To You

    • January 9, 2010 9:00 am

    Dearest Readers,

    It’s been a full week beginning with a circus-like video shoot, ramping up with the arrival of the guest choreographer on our Olympic show team and peaking with a 60-kid audition process.

    Cut to the arrival of the guest composer for the project and a 2-hour studio session to plan the upcoming week. Forecast: record our Yukon Anthem with a myriad of singers and shoot the music video in an historic location.

    Needless to say, I’m a little tired. But tired rhymes with inspired and that I am, too.

    I’m inspired by the number of talented people we have in this little corner of the world; by the guest artists who actually want to come here in the dark, cold month of January; by the willingness of others to wholeheartedly commit their time and creative energy; and by the heaps of gratitude people have been sharing with me along the way.

    When I get tired it can become difficult to see all of these wonderful things. Fatigue can cloud the brightest picture. It’s important for me to take the time to recognize the good, the positive, the joy. And it’s important to take naps!

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Once again, this blog and you readers come to my rescue. Today’s post has given me yet another opportunity to see clearly all that I have to celebrate. Thank you for being there!