• What a Feeling

    • January 5, 2010 9:21 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Yesterday I got to sit in on auditions for a youth dance piece that is a part of an upcoming project I’m working on. About 20 kids showed up and gave it everything they had. It was a fantastic thing to watch.

    I’ve written before about my dream of being a dancer. When I was a kid that was wanted I wanted to be when I grew up. I was obsessed with the movies Fame and Flashdance and I would spend hours practicing dance routines.

    Somewhere along the way I developed the dis-ease of perfectionism, which told me, “If you can’t be the best, don’t play the game.” I wasn’t the best. I gave up dancing and I gave up the dream.

    When I watched those kids yesterday, picking up really challenging choreography taught to them by a pro from NYC with big credits behind her, following her moves, one after the other, listening and learning from body memory, focusing 100%, I knew why I’d become a writer.

    Granted, I am a performer. I do play on the stage and screen but I am convinced I made the right decision because I simply cannot pick up choreography. At least not that darn fast.

    A few years back I took a jazz class and I was the best in the class because I was 20 years younger than everyone else. It was a class for older ladies. I was able to pick up the choreography because the teacher had to go over it 462 times.

    It was super impressive to see these talented youth pick up each sequence after seeing it only one or two times. I’m sure for a dancer this is a no-brainer but for me it’s a feat of incredible proportions.

    Not every one of those kids is going to make the cut. At one point I saw a girl crying because she wanted it so badly and she was trying so hard and the pressure was so high. Her emotional state was as fragile as could be and she was biting her lip to fight the tears back. That’s the kind of pressure I backed away from. The possibility for rejection was too great.

    Since I am heading the project I gave a little speech before and after. I asked everyone to be his/herself. I encouraged them all not to take it personally if they didn’t get a call back. I said, “Have fun!” It was my greatest desire for each of them to have a great time and to let go of the outcome as best they could.

    Letting go of the outcome. It’s one of the most challenging things to do. It is something I have to continually practice, every day. As I heard myself saying it yesterday I thought, “These words are as much for me as they are for all of you.”

    I don’t regret not pursuing my dream of being a dancer and I’m grateful to be recovering from the merciless taskmastering of perfectionism. I got to see my dream alive in the faces of those kids yesterday. And I pray each one of them follows their own.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: If I can’t be the best I will still play the game. I will put myself out there and give it all I’ve got, surrendering the outcome and enjoying the process to the best of my ability.

    Dance Dance Wherever You May Be

    • October 19, 2009 7:54 am

    A few nights ago I attended a Dance Gathering. A Dance Gathering is exactly what it sounds like: the coming together of persons for the sole purpose of dancing. The outcome is often a form of Ecstatic dance, which is also known as trance dance, “a unique spiritual experience with roots in Shamanism.”

    It’s blissful.

    My love of dance goes back a long way. When I was a very young girl my mother gave me a book called A Very Young Dancer. It was about a ten-year-old student at the School of American Ballet in New York preparing for her role in the ballet “The Nutcracker.”

    I had dreams of being that girl. I even called up the Ontario School of Ballet one day and inquired about auditions. I never pursued the dream. Somehow I knew I’d never make it as a dancer. Or I was too scared to try.

    Today social dancing is probably my most favourite thing in the world to do. I love it to pieces. I have a gal pal who also loves to get down and boogie and we were talking recently about the dearth of opportunities in this city to social dance in a sober environment. Dancing in bars is fine but it’s a last resort for the non-drinker.

    So she and I were brainstorming ideas and we ended up discussing the possibility of renting a space, advertising the event and inviting anyone and everyone who wished to come. The iMac would be the DJ and we’d just get down.

    Exactly three weeks to the day, such an evening took place. Only she and I had nothing to do with it.

    I had seen a notice on a community listserv for an upcoming Dance Gathering and immediately forwarded it to my friend with the simple message “Ask and we shall receive.”

    We both showed up and danced our hearts out. It was ecstatic dancing at its best. A roomful of people shaking the booty and feeling the love.

    My friend had come in late and so it was only after it was all over that we hugged and began to laugh together. It was no joke: we knew we had manifested this night.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Sometimes when you desire something with enough passion and commitment the Universe will move mountains to make it happen.