• Posts by Celia McBride

    Seeing Anew

    • July 28, 2010 7:22 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Don’t you love it when you’re given the opportunity to see something old in a whole new way? It’s as though a crack appears in the space around you and a pair of hands reaches through and pries open your surroundings. The next thing you know you’re standing in a new place where everything looks the same.

    You’ve arrived in a new realm of understanding.

    Last night I spent the evening with a woman who is currently struggling with some pretty heavy issues. She’d reached her breaking point and the dam had burst. She was crying and I was bearing witness to her grief. She told me this emotional pressure had been building for a while but she hadn’t really been aware of it.

    Having experienced numerous situations such as this I said, “It’s good to have a mini-nervous-breakdown every so often.”

    “No,” she said. “It’s not a breakdown. It’s a break through.”

    This is where that crack appeared in the space around me and I was suddenly transformed. For years now I’ve been calling these times when I’ve had to lose it “mini-nervous-breakdowns.” And yet every single episode has brought me relief and some kind personal growth.

    I’ve been giving myself the short shrift!

    Admittedly, the “breakdown” moniker was somewhat facetious, a little joke to ease the seriousness of the situation, but it also framed the grief in a rather negative way. Why not see the glass half full?

    The dictionary on this computer defines “breakthrough” in this way: “A significant and dramatic overcoming of a perceived obstacle, allowing the completion of a process.”

    I love this! The obstacle is perceived, which means “to become aware of” and the process is allowed to be completed by the breakthrough itself. How great is that?

    Having looked at something in one way for so long this new perception feels monumental. And yet it’s also kind of “duh”. Like, of course.

    Amazing what one little word can do, isn’t it? From down to through. That’s a pretty good Direction to follow.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: What emotional process am I currently negotiating these days? What obstacle is in my way? I will ask for the ability to perceive the obstacle so that I may experience a breakthrough, allowing for the completion of this particular stage in my Journey.

    Let Him Be

    • July 27, 2010 7:38 am

    Dearest Readers,

    If you happen to be spending time in the company of someone who is in a bad mood what do you do? Do you immediately ask her what is the matter? Do you try to compensate for his grumpiness by becoming overly cheery? Do you act like nothing is wrong and behave normally? Maybe you turn sour, too.

    No doubt I’ve responded in “all of the above” ways over the course of my life. I’m certainly sensitive enough to venture the question, “Are you okay?” but I’m also anxious enough to turn into a Chatty Cathy in order to lighten the situation. Often I will choose avoidance. It’s the easy way out. Or I’ll take on the negative energy and ‘bang’ I’m in a bad mood also. I’m a good codependent that way.

    But I’ve changed. Or, more aptly, I’m constantly changing. Willing to try the new behaviour. Willing to do it differently. Willing to evolve.

    I was recently dining with a couple of friends, one of whom was behaving in a most sullen manner. I didn’t feel it was my place to say, “What’s the matter?” although in hindsight I probably could have. My anxiety was rising steadily and I could feel the yakity-yakker itching to get out. I could also feel my anger brewing and foresaw myself joining my friend on his gloomy island of despair.

    But I didn’t feel despairing. I felt grounded. So why should I go there? I shouldn’t.

    So guess what I did? I breathed, relaxed, and I let go. Let him be. I don’t have to take him on. Let him have his feelings. I don’t have to take them on either. Perhaps his own anxiety is causing him grief. I’ve been there. I’m not there now. I can be present with him in his state without altering my own.

    Kind of a miracle. Kind of radical. The temptation to somehow alter the situation was overwhelming. “I’m uncomfortable and I gotta make this different. I can’t handle this I gotta change it.”

    No, I don’t. Breathe, relax, let go.

    It wasn’t long before this man’s own spirits lifted and the atmosphere changed. Not my doing, folks. I was too busy Be-ing.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Today I will not let another person’s mood alter my own. I will stay grounded in my own Power unswayed by what is happening around me. I will breathe, I will relax and I will let go.

    1, 2 and 3

    • July 26, 2010 8:02 am

    Dearest Readers,

    This fall I will be leading a workshop at the Creativity Coaching Association‘s 2nd International Creativity Conference in Lake George, NY. I just got off the phone with Beverly Down, the President and CEO, and she said something really inspiring that I’d like to share with you.

    We were talking about marketing tools for business and she was explaining to me how she makes things happen in her professional life. I’m going to paraphrase and break it down to my own understanding but here is the upshot:

    1. Intention: To begin, I need to have a vision or a goal.

    2. Clarity: What exactly is my vision? What is the goal I’m trying to achieve? It cannot be vague.

    3. Action: There’s no magic. I have to do the footwork.

    I really like this breakdown. It’s simple and simplicity gives rise to effectiveness.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Today I will apply this simple formula to a personal vision or goal. I will do so in order to expand my horizons, build my practice, follow my dreams.

    Keep it Real

    • July 24, 2010 7:52 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Yesterday, as I was describing the last month and a half of my travels to the VA with whom I work, I realized that a lot of my experiences have yet to be integrated into my present reality. Sometimes it takes talking about something to land it in the body, so to speak.

    For example, I had a client in one of the Cultivate Your Courage workshops who talked about the birth of her child and as she told the group her story she said, “I’ve actually never said it out loud like this before.” She went on to describe the most amazing birthing process in splendid detail.

    At the end of the workshop this woman told me she needed to go outside to be alone. “I need to integrate this experience right now,” she explained. “I’ve never done that.” Her kid was two years old.

    Talking about something makes it real. Sometimes more real than the actual occurrence. When we verbalize our experience it somehow makes it more definite. A completion, of sorts, takes place.

    I left the Yukon almost seven weeks ago and since that time I have seen and experienced so much. I have so many stories to tell! Some of them I have told here, some of them I have told elsewhere. Some I may never tell. But what I know is that through the telling the story becomes whole.

    If I keep it to myself I might not get to live it.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: I will give birth to my stories. I will make real my past experiences by talking about them with other people. I will integrate the past with the present thereby making it Real.

    Catch a Buzz

    • July 23, 2010 8:10 am

    Dearest Readers,

    It’s a gorgeous morning here in Montreal. I can see blue sky above the red brick houses across the way and the sun is pouring into the sunroom adjacent to the kitchen where I sit.  Outside, the sound of buzzing cicadas makes me think I’m in the countryside on a hot summer day but the airplanes overhead and the traffic on the street assure me I’m in the city.

    The Big City. When you live in Whitehorse any city beyond the borders of the Yukon is the Big City. I know a lot of Yukoners who can’t stand larger populations but I love ’em and I’ve blogged often about my fondness for connecting to that Big City buzz.

    The small town connection is certainly more personal and that’s what I like about living in Whitehorse. Everybody knows everybody and if they don’t someone will introduce them. The Big City connection is less tangible. It’s not about knowing others. It’s about being an other with a million other others. It’s about a common experience.

    Back in April someone sent me a link to a story about a composer named Eric Whitacre who organized a Virtual Choir. Many of you have probably heard of this idea or have already seen it (the YouTube video has well over a million hits) but I finally got around to checking it out yesterday. It got me thinking about this common experience and connecting.

    Whitacre managed to get 185 people to sing in his Virtual Choir and despite the fact that each singer was by him/herself, alone in his/her home, the project was a fountain of togetherness. The composer had this to say about the depth of connectivity created by the Choir:

    “People want to be together… [The project created] this sense of shared humanity… there is this innate and overwhelming need for people to connect and they’ll do it with whatever means are necessary or available to them… you can have all these people isolated all over the world sitting alone and they go to great lengths to connect.”

    No doubt I’ve blogged before about my favourite quote by the great writer E.M. Forster who said, “Connect. Only connect.” It truly is the greatest human need.

    And do you know how cicadas make that buzzing sound I’m hearing now? The sound that embodies the hot summer day like nothing else I can think of? By contracting and relaxing their abdominal muscles! Umm… kind of like singing? Indeed, “cicadas like heat and do their most spirited singing during the hotter hours of a summer day.”

    Virtually, a choir.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: There is Interconnection everywhere and I am a part of it: Technology/Nature, City/Country. I am a piece of the Great Puzzle of Life!

    Burning Desire

    • July 22, 2010 8:05 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Yesterday I was telling my Spiritual Director about the burn and recounting the story of how it happened and as I described to her the subsequent events that arose from the incident I remembered the absolute grounded Presence I felt on that day.

    Talk about the Power of Now.

    With first and second degree burns covering most of my thigh I was rocketed into the Present Moment where I remained for the rest of the day until I fell into sleep that evening.

    The only other times in my life when I have felt that connected to Reality was when I was on hallucinogenic drugs back in my wild child days. And lemme tellya, the day of the burn was wild. (Right, SP?)

    Believe me, I am not asking for more pain and suffering but there was something so profound about that experience, the awareness I felt, the sense of feeling utterly connected to the moment and totally fused to Life’s unfolding, that a part of me wishes I could return there.

    The good news is I can. In fact, I’m already returned there. Because there is Here. This is the Teaching of the Burn. This is what Eckhart Tolle is talking about. It’s Now. It’s always Now.

    So why is it so f’n challenging to live in the Now? What is so difficult about Be-ing? Shouldn’t it be the easiest thing in the world? After all, we are. Why can’t we just be?

    Well, there’s that baggage we carry. It’s heavy. And there’s that damage we experienced. It’s hardcore. And there are those wounds we suffered. They’re deep. And don’t forget the wrongdoings we committed. They’re shameful. And then there’s the Intellect. Why this, why that? Figure it out, analyze it. Let me understand.

    Sheesh. It’s a wonder we make it through the day sometimes!

    The day after the burn was the day I flew out of New York to Montreal. I was leaving my good friend, who had been with me throughout the whole experience, and I wanted to extend my time with her for as long as I possibly could. I began to plan the day according my my wishes, going hither and thither, busy as a bee.

    Well. “Make plans, God laughs.”

    Before heading out, my friend and I did a little meditation session to start the day and thank goodness we did. Taking the time to get quiet and go within was the best thing I could have done for myself. This is what I heard: “Listen to the Burn.”

    I changed my plans. My friend and I said good-bye and I went early to the airport where I could sit and rest and take care of my leg.

    Listen to the Burn. In other words, live in the Power of Now. Connect to the Great Reality. Embrace the Experience of Being.

    Start now. Or now. Or now. Or now. Or now. Or now…

    Inspiring Message of the Day: When I forget that Life is Happening Now I will bring myself back Here. I will listen to the burning desire of my heart, which is always longing to Be with Great Presence.

    The Newborn in You

    • July 21, 2010 7:15 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Those of you who have had children or who have spent time with new parents would know this already but the thrill of holding a brand new baby is pretty much second to none. The birth of my eldest sister’s first child has recently given me this marvelous opportunity.

    Yesterday I sat with baby nephew resting on my lap for almost an hour, staring at his sleeping face, playing with his tiny toes, admiring his little wee self. It was better than TV, better than a movie, a book, Facebook, and all of the above combined.

    No doubt about it, newborns are mesmerizing. They hold the key to something. What is it? Our vulnerability? Our strength? From  their soft and tender selves comes the essence, the very Power of Life. In them we see it All.

    We say, “It’s a miracle.” And then the baby grows up and becomes a person and we no longer see the miracle. We see the mess. But every single grown-up was a newborn once. And that Power is still there.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Am I able to see the newborn child in the grown-up? What if I could? What if I could take the time to see that Miracle in every single person I meet? Today I will do my best to remember this and put it into practice.

    Always Something There to Remind Me

    • July 20, 2010 8:08 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Self-acceptance. I always forget this part. I strive to be better. I try harder. I do more. I grow. I heal. I recover. I practice. I’m all about self-improvement. But self-acceptance? I forget I need to do this, too!

    All of the above work has all been monumentally positive. But what I forget to do in all my striving is to accept where I am. I get so caught up in the desire to heal that I often neglect the healing that is taking place now.

    This observation was made last night by a friend of mine with whom I was having a phone conversation. I was sharing a recent experience with her and she said, “We think it’s about self-improvement but it’s really about self-acceptance.”

    Boy, did I need to hear this. I need to hear it over and over again. I really do forget! It’s like I have a mental block around this little piece of information and it’s so vital, so important, and when I hear it I think, “How can I have forgotten this again?”

    This is the process. Remember, integrate, forget, be reminded. Rinse and repeat.

    What I am thankful for is that I have people to remind me. Left to my own devices I would charge ahead without taking the time to say, “This is where you’re at. This is what’s happening. Acceptance is Presence. Stay here.”

    It’s good to be reminded.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: I will take the time to practice self-acceptance today. There is nothing to improve, nothing more to strive for, nothing to learn. I’m at where I’m at and that is that.

    Burning Questions

    • July 19, 2010 7:56 am

    Dearest Readers,

    It’s been thirteen days since the burn and it’s healing very nicely, thank you very much. I was given a new insight about the incident this morning and as much as I cringed when I heard it I think it’s worth exploring.

    My own interpretation of the “why” is that I am being taught compassion on a whole new level. (When you pray for freedom from judgmental thinking, look out.) But in a conversation earlier today a friend said, “Perhaps it’s not so much about judging others as it is about judging yourself.”

    My first response was, “Of course.” I mean, I know that. But knowing something and really being willing to take a look at it are two very different things.

    In what ways am I still judging myself? I’ve come so far and made so much progress in learning to love myself that it’s easy to think I’ve graduated from the sickening school of self-loathing. So where am I now lacking in compassion for Celia?

    These are deep questions and not easily answered in a few paragraphs. But now that I’ve been given the opportunity to investigate them I will take the time to do just that and get back to you.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: When someone has a personal insight to offer me I will accept it with an open mind. It may not be easy to hear this kind of “advice” but my spiritual well-being will no doubt be given new depth by the offering.

    Attention Please

    • July 17, 2010 5:26 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Much of my family has gathered together here in Montreal for the birth of my eldest sister’s first child. It’s a monumental event for all of us. First baby of the first born. First baby out of four women. First boy. We’re all a little mental right now. In a good way.

    My mother arrived on the scene yesterday and with her brought baby pictures of my sister and me, her first two children, born 19 months apart. My older sister and I were very close and it was just us two until #3 came along two and a half years later. Many of the photographs show us hugging or sitting closely or playing together.

    One picture is a wintry scene, taken in the Yukon in December 1973 when I was just two years old. Every Christmas we would head into the bush to find a tree for decorating. My father would chop it down and we’d haul it back to the house for trimming. This became a ritual that involved a number of families. I remember it fondly.

    At least I thought I did. In the picture my sister is eating snow and looking quite content. I look… distressed. The caption on the back, written by my mother, says, “Celia is not too happy, in fact disliked the whole outing intensely.”

    When the caption was read out loud I responded, “Story of my life.” My sister’s partner said, “Really?”

    Really. I was not a very happy kid. I was a miserable teenager. In my twenties I tried to be happy but never really succeeded. So, yes, I really did dislike the whole outing intensely. The “outing” being life in general.

    When did it change? When I hit rock bottom at age 27. I began to walk the Healing Path, which involved getting serious about a Spiritual Practice. Only this devotion to Higher Guidance has brought me what I never had my whole life but sought desperately to find: Peace.

    And believe me, some days are better than others. When I’m overtired, as I was yesterday, that little girl, miserable and in distress, comes right back to front and centre stage, demanding attention. And so I must give it to her. I must honour her needs. After all, we were all babies once.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: When I am miserable and in distress it is usually because one or some of my needs are not being met. I will go Within and find out what I need and then I will honour that need, as I would a crying child.