• Posts by Celia McBride

    Sticks and Stones

    • February 14, 2011 8:43 am

    Dearest Readers,

    A couple of years ago I posted a video on YouTube of a speech I did at a Toastmasters Conference. The speech won first prize. Recently I received notice in the ol’ inbox that a new comment had been posted on the video’s page. I’d like to share this comment with you now.

    Here it is:

    “You do realise it’s EXACTLY the very people claiming to have relationships with supernatural beings who are materialists and killing people over it !?? Depravity in the name of spirituality, that’s all it is, that turkey day is not celebrated by a majority free thinkers, that convicted criminals in jails are disproportionately followers of “higher powers”. Stop lying will you. Just say openly you’re a blind god follower, blind to the harms religion and “higher callings” cause humanity!”

    Naturally, I was shocked. I’m not used to getting comments like this. Immediately I began to think about how I might reply, defend my position, stand up for myself. This turned into a mild obsession and so I decided to let it go until I had more clarity. It’s now been a week since I got the email and still I’ve not responded.

    What strikes me most about this person’s message (who, by the way, calls herself tallard666) is that it is so angry. Though I didn’t respond to the comment on the YouTube page I did share a post on Facebook that day saying, “Some people are very angry. I understand. I know what it means to be angry.”

    And I do. I’m dealing with the release of some old anger issues right now, as a matter of fact. And I, too, get rageful at the idea of people killing in the name of God. Whenever I hear someone like George W. Bush mention the war in Iraq and God in the same sentence I feel steam start to blow out of my ears. Or if I read something about terrorists blowing people up for God’s glory I experience great despair.

    In this sense I suppose I agree with tallard666. People who do violence and simultaneously claim to do be doing God’s will scare me. The God (or Universe or Higher Power or Creator or Spirit of Unity Back of All Things) I believe in is one of Love, of Peace and of Justice. And by Justice I mean Equality, not vengeance.

    I’m not sure where tallard666 has gotten her statistic about convicted criminals. I’ve done volunteer work in prisons and jails on and off for the last almost 12 years. My experience is that convicted criminals are most often deeply wounded people who have been terribly abused by poverty, addiction and mental illness. Some, but not all, have found healing through some kind of a Higher Power and have changed their lives for the better as a result.

    Let us all be allowed to believe what we would like to believe. Let us not hate other people for believing something that we do not. Let us learn to express our anger in useful and just ways. Let us accept one another without judgment. This is Higher Power at work: Love and Tolerance.

    As for being “blind to the harms religion and “higher callings” cause humanity,” I can only say that the opposite is true. Religious abuse makes me feel sick. But Religion is not God. It is a way to worship God and so religion is neither good nor bad. It is a path. Some religious people are wounded and so they wound others. Other religious people have helped to make the world a better place. Mother Teresa. Martin Luther King Jr. Saint Francis of Assisi.

    Am I a “blind god follower”? Au contraire. I once was blind. But now I see.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Today I will continue to do the work of Love. I will respond with compassion to those who have little or feel none.

    Take me Higher

    • February 2, 2011 9:24 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Presently I am in Vancouver attending the PuSh Assembly on behalf of Sour Brides Theatre. Last night was the opening of the Assembly and the keynote was an artistic “manifesto” delivered by a performance artist named Julie Andrée T.

    This young woman walked on stage with a bottle of wine and a glass and said, “I’m super scared,” and told us she was using the wine to help her deal with her fear. The bottle had been half drunk already.

    Over the course of an hour she spoke to us occasionally, read to us from her laptop, played back recordings of manifestos by other artists she admires and made mournful sounds on a viola that rested on her lap. Slides of her naked and manipulated body in various compromising positions were projected behind her.

    I am an artist and I have learned how to appreciate the work of other artists even if I do not “get” the work. Every artist is expressing his/her creative Self the only way he/she knows how. Some of us are stranger than others. Performance art is not easy to “get”. It doesn’t make sense to most of us the way a painting or a narrative play does. It challenges everything we know about our relationship to art and to one another. It takes us out of our comfort zones.

    Probably a good thing, right? I suppose. Yes. In fact, emphatic yes. On the other hand, I’ve reached a point in my life where I am in need of art that inspires, uplifts, and transcends the darkness. I desperately need Light. I really do. I didn’t use to. All of my earliest plays are dark and full of despair.

    Julie Andrée T. said, “I like the dark side. It inspires me.” Fair enough. I was the same. I still write about the pain and the grief. But now I offer healing and hope because I am healing and I have gained hope. So this is my process.

    And this is why not only do I offer it to the audience but I seek it as well. I look for healing and hope in films. I look for it in leaders and mentors and other artists. I need to have my experience validated and I need to continue believing in transformation. It is what helps me to keep going, to give back, to feel joy and thankfulness in a challenging world.

    I have a ticket to Rouge tomorrow night, Julie Andrée T.’s performance piece here at the festival. I’ve decided not to go. I do respect this woman. But I think I’ve seen enough.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Today I will seek the kinds of experiences which uplift me and validate my healing work. I will continue to choose things that bring me to the Light.

    Pray Tell

    • January 27, 2011 9:35 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Tired? Grumpy? Lethargic? Despairing? Anxious? Overwhelmed? All of the above? You’re not alone. On any given day I can experience any number of these fear symptoms. Lately, my number one solution has been simply to pray.

    Get quiet, ask for Direction, listen. All of these actions constitute prayer and with them comes the exquisite sensation of simply dwelling in the Presence of God.

    I heard someone recently say that for her God was a person. That works for her so that’s great. For me, God is not a person. God is the Spirit of Unity Back of All Things. God is the reason why there is something rather than nothing, the Condition of Possibility of any entity whatsoever.

    Neither of those definitions are mine, by the way. They came to me and I grabbed on to them. They make sense to me. They back up my experience. And that is how I have come to know this God. Through experience. Not because someone told me what to believe. The experience of this Power is why I have I faith in its existence.

    But despite my faith I am still self-reliant. And my self-reliance causes me to suffer. I overwork, I future-trip, I judge, I worry, I sabotage myself. I operate on Old BS (belief systems) instead of trusting Higher Guidance. And then I end up in chaos of one kind or another, whether it’s just a wee little bit or full-blown doesn’t matter. I still find myself there. Sigh.

    It is at these times of inner crisis that I remember to pray. Not just pray like I do everyday, sorta kinda doing it because I gotta. But praying deeply. Taking the time to BE. Be with God. Not wonder, not question, not say a few deferential words. But connect. Rest. Dwell in the Great Presence.

    When I embrace the Sacred I am so embraced. The Divine enters and fear disappears. I remember who I am.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Today I will take time to pray deeply. Shedding all thoughts but One.

    Communing with the Stars

    • January 21, 2011 8:46 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Yesterday I had the opportunity to interview Justin Trudeau for a new talk show I’ve created with the help of our local TV station Community Cable Nine. It seemed like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and even though I had to cancel one appointment and be late for another I took it.

    The appointment I was late for was a session with my Life/Business Coach. She said, “I think that’s probably the best excuse for being late I’ll ever hear.” She also asked me if I wanted to debrief with her on the interview experience. I said, “Well, instead of looking at everything I didn’t do I’m going to just say to myself, “Good for you, Celia. You did a good job.” She validated that for me, as good coaches do, and we moved on.

    As the day progressed into the evening, however, those Voices of Dissent began talking to me in their insistent and pervasive way. They’re still at it, as a matter of fact, and it’s the next day. I figure I’d better give them a forum to express their regret since shutting them down flat doesn’t seem to be working.

    So here, Dearest Readers, is what I didn’t do in my interview with Mr. Justin Trudeau, MP:

    • I didn’t say, “Nice haircut.”
    • When he talked about individuals needing to make a mental change with regard to our expectations of what politicians can do for us I didn’t look at the camera and say, “A mental change, People. It’s up to us to make a mental change.”
    • I didn’t tell him who my brother-in-law is. They went to summer camp together and were chums.
    • I didn’t tell him I went to a movie with his Dad. Yup, one day Pierre Trudeau and I went to see the same film at the Egyptian Cinema in Montreal. We were both alone and we sat at either end of the same row. He died shortly thereafter.
    • I didn’t take a picture of the two of us. I didn’t give him my business card.
    • There were times when he was speaking that I didn’t listen closely because I was formulating my next thought/question.

    That’s quite a lot of regret isn’t it? How challenging it is to ignore these things and look only at what I did right. The mind, the ego, the pride, the desire to be perfect… all these parts of me jump in there and shout for their rights and sadly the message is this: You are not good enough.

    This is a message, I am well aware, that so many of us battle. I could write pages on where it comes from in my own life but I’m far more interested in how to overcome this self-defeating Belief System. This BS!

    The kind of self-validation I did with my Coach is a very good place to start. We can tell ourselves we did well no matter what happened. “I did my best. My best is good enough.” Say it a thousand times if we need to. I am good enough.

    Another piece that helps me is to let go of the ridiculously high expectations I have. “This was only my second interview for this new show. I’m just at the beginning.” This way I can learn from the experience. I can see opportunities for improvement and take those on for next time.

    Most importantly I can practice the Art of Letting Go. It’s done. It’s over. It’s the past. There ain’t nothin’ I can do to change it. Going back over it in my mind will not do any good. Bless it. Release it. Move on.

    This new TV show is called “Communion”. I called it that because the word can mean “the sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts and feelings, especially when the exchange is on a mental or spiritual level.” Justin Trudeau talked about seeing the work he does as Service and he talked about trying to make the world a better place. He spoke about how he tries to use criticism as an opportunity for self-improvement. When I asked him if he’d rather be buried or cremated (yes, I did that) he took what felt like the longest pause in the history of interviews, his eyes looking skyward in deep and silent contemplation, and then finally responded with thoughtful meaning. (He wants an ecological interment — the worms can have him.)

    All of this means that I succeeded in communing with this man. I achieved the goal! The rest is history.

    And yes, his eyes really are that blue. Not that I noticed.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Sometimes the process of letting go requires a few steps. If something is hanging on I will take the time to give voice to my regret. Once I’ve done that I trust that my freedom will follow more swiftly.

    Edges of Light

    • January 17, 2011 6:51 am

    Dearest Readers,

    I quit the blog a while back to work on a new play I’m writing called GITA: God in the Army and I’m pleased to announce that I have finished the first draft. I’ve applied for a grant to workshop the piece in the spring and I’ll be performing a reading of it at a festival in May so momentum is most definitely gathering. Stay tuned.

    Yesterday I began to work on a new painting to give to a friend on her upcoming birthday and it’s been on my mind a lot since I put the brushes down. I often work from photographs I’ve taken and this one in particular is a close-up on a dark cloud with a luminous gold lining. I thought painting it would be a breeze.

    Not. Lemme tellya something: Clouds are not easy to paint!

    Because the cloud turned out to be more of an impression I’m thinking of adding some writing to the painting. Distract the viewer from the fact that the puffy puffs are a bit of a dog’s breakfast. I’m going to add, “every cloud has a” and then let the eye wander over to the edges of light.

    Those four little words have been running through my brain for the last 24 hours and so naturally I’ve found myself meditating on the entire proverb as well. “Every cloud has a silver lining.” Does it really?

    It does if we choose to see it. That’s the challenge we face as humans. Are we willing to see the good? Are we willing to find meaning in difficult circumstances? Are we willing to look beyond the darkness to where there are edges of light?

    It’s a choice. We don’t have to do anything. We can choose to see only hopelessness and futility if we like. And many of us do. Choosing the Light is diligent work. Maybe not for all of us. I’m always amazed when I meet people for whom joy is innate. But for me the conscious effort to see the positive and to find meaning in the day is just that. Conscious. Effort.

    It takes a certain amount of energy, commitment and determination to do this each day and you know what? I’m up for it. Because I’ve seen the proof written in the sky.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: I will make the effort to see the good in the bad, the beautiful in the ugly, the light in the dark. I will make meaning out of whatever I am given because there is always light behind the clouds.

    Thank you, Moses

    • August 26, 2010 7:50 am

    Dearest Readers,

    This morning I feel like singing Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus. I feel like the Red Sea has parted and I’m walking along the cleared, dry path to freedom. I’ve had a breakthrough.

    There is still some processing I need to do so I won’t get specific and the details are not actually what’s important. It’s not about what happened as much as it is how it happened.

    Stick-to-it-iveness. Perseverance. Talking it out. These are some of the tools I employed to find my way out of the mire and into the clearing. When I felt like giving up I didn’t. When I wanted to withdraw I put myself out there. When my fear told me to isolate I told someone about it.

    These inspired actions coupled with some pretty deep prayer and meditation kept the process moving forward and eventually afforded me the “a-ha moment” that I had last night.

    A very short time ago I was in emotional turmoil. My energy was really blocked. I didn’t know why and I simply could not figure it out in my head. The confused mind cannot solve the problem. It’s confused!

    The answer must come from a Deeper Place. The Heart. The Gut. The Great Spirit. Anywhere but the mind, where the difficulty originates.

    So, my friends, the words to a sweet, sweet song by Van Morrison are swirling around inside me today. “Yes, it feels like a Brand New Day.”

    That and Hallelujah. Hallelujah. Halle-lu-jah!

    Inspiring Message of the Day: When I am confused or my energy is blocked I will not try and solve the issue by thinking about it. I will use the Greater Methods of the Spirit to make my way to the other side and I will trust that Clarity will eventually come.

    A + B + C

    • August 25, 2010 9:15 am

    Dearest Readers,

    As some of you know, I am a member of Toastmasters and I often mention this here because the things that I learn in our little meeting inspire me greatly.

    However, the club to which I belong meets at 7 a.m. and it is not always easy to get up and greet the world at that hour. Being away for most of the summer has made it a challenge to get back to the weekly meetings. I even started to convince myself I didn’t need to go at all.

    With a TM membership, I receive the organization’s monthly magazine. Returning home after my adventures on the road  I discovered a few back-issues waiting for me. I was sorely tempted to throw them out without reading them. I’m glad I didn’t.

    Reading those magazines reminded me of something vitally important: Toastmasters builds my self-esteem.

    How come it’s so easy to do things that erode our self-esteem and so challenging to do things that grow it? I believe it has to do with the amount of shame we carry.

    If I am carrying around a lot of shame I’m not going to take the kind of action that increases my sense of well-being. Why? Because on some level I don’t believe I deserve to feel good.

    But if I have done (or begin to do) the healing work necessary to overcome the shame then I am more likely to choose the kinds of actions that support my newly confident Self.

    Because I’m currently doing some of that Deeper Work the voices of dissent have been pretty loud. After reading through the magazines I thought, “It’s more important than ever to do things that make me feel good about myself” and I committed to returning to Toastmasters.

    After leaving the meeting this morning my energy is flowing freely and the world seems a marvelous place. There is no room in my head for negative thinking.

    The formula works.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: What activities make me feel good about myself? Today I will take the kind of action that builds my self-esteem knowing that I deserve the rewards that come from doing so.

    Healing Power

    • August 24, 2010 8:48 am

    Dearest Readers,

    As I was lying in the corpse pose at the end of my yoga practice this morning my mind began to wander to the subject of today’s blog. What would it be?

    “The transition you are in,” came the response.

    I am currently in the process of shedding yet another old belief system. Yup, some more old BS that is no longer working for me has got to go.

    Admittedly, it’s not a lot of fun. What keeps me willing to go through the Grief of Change is having faith in the fact that I will come to know a new freedom at the end of it.

    Before I began this post I checked email. Not a good idea and a habit in which I do my best not to indulge. Email has a way of sucking the energy out of the creative act. But it turns out it was the right thing to do this morning for I was sent a quote by a friend describing perfectly the Healing Process and the Courage required to go through it.

    “If you enter into healing, be prepared to lose everything. Healing is a ravaging force to which nothing seems sacred or inviolate. As my original pain releases itself in healing, it rips to shreds the structures and foundations I built in weakness and ignorance. Ironically and unjustly, only I can pay the price of having lived a lie. I’m experiencing the bizarre miracle of reincarnation, more lucidly than at birth, in the same lifetime.”

    Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis

    I haven’t read the book nor have I heard of either of these women but they just made my day.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: When I am in a time of transition I will remember that the pain I’m feeling is rooted in my reincarnation. I will practice acceptance and keep my eyes on the prize: Re-Birth.

    Symbolically Speaking

    • August 23, 2010 10:45 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Poustinia was a delight. It’s amazing what pleasure can be gained by chopping wood and sweeping floors. I also slept for 11 hours. My body was extremely grateful for that!

    One of the tools I use to stay connected to Higher Guidance is symbology. I choose symbols (or they choose me) that confirm the Universe is not only Loving but also invested in my personal journey (yours, too).

    The symbols I choose are not picked randomly, although they could be and the connection would work just as well. I’ll give you an example of the process of choosing a symbol and its consequent significance.

    Perhaps I see a man in a store. Something about him draws my attention. He is an outsider. As I begin to observe him my heart fills with compassion. I am suddenly feeling an incredible sense of Connection and Presence, which can only be described as the Oneness of Being.

    Time passes. Perhaps I am having a difficult day. I pray for a miracle. I ask to be returned to a state of spiritual wellness. I leave the house. I see the man from the store pass by. I am astonished. That feeling of Oneness returns. I am immediately restored to a State of Love.

    One of my strongest symbols is the three-legged dog. Whenever I am in need of Higher Guidance a three-legged dog appears out of nowhere. It is the most marvelous thing.

    I have been in a real time of transition these last few weeks. Spiritual growth can be extremely challenging. I went on poustinia to all at once give myself a break and dive deeper into the process.

    Within the first hour of my arrival at the cabin I had a couple of visitors. There I was, chopping wood for a fire, when two dogs came bounding around the corner full of vim and vigour and looking for a friendly pat. One of them had a broken paw wrapped in a booty. It was walking on three legs.

    I scrubbed that dogs ears and it kissed my face and nuzzled my neck. It stared up at me with pure, unconditional love. It was as though the very Energy of God had come right into my arms to say, “I love you. You’re doing great. I’ve got your back. No matter what. Okay?”

    Okay.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Do I have any symbols that reassure me of a Loving Presence in my life? Today I will experiment with this practice and expect a miracle.

    Dive In To You

    • August 21, 2010 8:31 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Today I am going on poustinia. I have friends with an empty cabin on a lake and they’ve given me the key. I’m only going for 24 hours but 24 hours in the desert can be quite a stretch.

    What I’ve discovered since the laptop got fried is how addicted I am to the distraction it provided me. This iPhone on which I now write has the same (false) power. The loss of the computer is not so deeply felt because I can use this hand-held device instead. The temptation to always be online or plugged in is very great.

    I’m not bringing the iPhone with me to the cabin. That would defeat the whole purpose. But I’ve thought about it more than a few times. Come on, just to watch a movie?

    It’s shocking to discover the depth at which I have come to depend on these machines. They provide a great feeling of escape (most of the time). Poustinia is just the opposite. There is no escaping. I have to face my Self with no distraction.

    I’ll let you know how it goes.

    Inspiring Message of the Day:     What would happen if I turned off all the noise in my life? The radio, the TV, the phones, the computer, everything I use as a distraction? I would be left with Great Silence. Despite my fear I am willing to dive in with both feet!