• Posts by Celia McBride

    Do the Do

    • May 4, 2010 10:28 am

    Dearest Readers,

    As I negotiate the murky waters of grief made even more so by the distance between me and the dearly departed I find myself searching for things to help me connect to the loss. Is there a song on the iPod that will bring the tears? A poem? A movie?

    One of the most challenging things to do (at the best of times) is to stay present. I’ve got a couple of months of travel coming up at the beginning of June and it’s incredibly tempting to future-trip my way to departing, traveling and returning back home in fantastical avoidance of the Here and Now.

    “Life is a trip,” is what I’ve been saying lately in reference to all that can happen in a day or a week. I honestly don’t know how people do it, and by that I mean live, without a spiritual life. What sustains me, what keeps me going and fills me with hope and excitement and the willingness to keep moving forward is faith.

    Faith in the Power that makes the grass grow, the sun shine and the wind blow. Faith in the Abiding Presence of this Power in the minutiae of our daily lives. Faith in Love, that inexplicable Energy that springs forth majestically in even the darkest of situations.

    For me, this faith is not blind. It’s not hoping. It’s not wishing. It’s practical and it takes work. It’s practical because it makes me want to live fully and deeply, which is a heck of a lot better than wanting to die and I’ve been there done that. And it takes work because it requires prayer, meditation, demonstration and practice to bear fruit.

    This blog, as I’ve mentioned before, is part of this faithful work. When I woke up this morning I was heavy with the burden of facing another day. Not wishing to stay in that place and being aware, at least on some level, of the incredible abundance in my life (making gratitude practically mandatory), I set about doing the things I needed to do to shift my thinking.

    As I head toward completion of this post I have a lighter spirit, my energy is beginning to flow and I am feeling much more like do-ing the tasks at hand while be-ing in the present to do them.

    The shift began with willingness on my part. “Despite my fear I am willing to move forward.” From there I sought help from Higher Guidance. “Help me, take this day, show me. I’m small, I’m weak, I can’t do it alone.” Slowly but surely my energy has been restored, returning little by little as I do the next thing, take the next step, walk through the fear.

    The rain falls steadily but I can see the Sun behind the clouds.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Life’s a trip. An ever-unfolding adventure. When we forget this idea and it instead feels like a slog we can ask the Higher Power Back of All Things to support us and hold us up. It will carry us forward with steadfast Love.

    Working Out the Bugs

    • May 3, 2010 9:14 am

    Dearest Readers,

    When I was a child growing up in the Yukon the wilderness was my backyard. Even though our house was in a proper neighbourhood there was nothing behind it but bush and mountains. My sisters and I had a tree fort and when that got boring we’d venture further afield by climbing the clay cliffs, exploring the forests and running along the hidden backcountry trails.

    One of the telltale signs of spring in the Yukon is the crocus flower. With a hairy stem, purple petals and a yellow centre, this sturdy little soldier grows in clumps, pushing up from the ground in the most surprising places. “Haven’t seen any crocuses yet,” is an oft repeated remark by Yukoners around the end of April.

    I have a vivid memory from my childhood of sitting on the slope of the clay cliffs behind our house on a spring day surrounded by an explosion of purple blooms. I remember picking one and examining it closely, admiring its fragile beauty. Upon closer inspection, however, I discovered the flower was crawling with teeny, tiny black bugs. Shocked and repulsed I threw it away as though it had stung me.

    On a walk yesterday I saw the first crocuses of spring. A set of twins or triplets here, a clump of fifteen there, their lovely pale mauve and yellow faces shyly opening to the sun. I suddenly remembered the episode I just described and thought how apt a metaphor the story is for the duality of nature.

    In everything there is beauty and there is ugliness.

    Not that bugs are ugly for all you entomologists out there but humour me, will ya? The Duality of Nature: there is light and there is darkness, there is life and there is death.

    As some of you know I am grieving the loss of my friend Leanne Coppen and so, admittedly, I’ve got death on the brain. The Big Questions are swirling around in my head. The only answer that brings me any peace is this one: The Great Mystery.

    There are black bugs in the flowers. There is death in vibrant life. We must live fully every day knowing each side of the equation has its place in the Universe.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: I will embrace the duality of Life to the best of my ability. I will accept that being fully human means allowing both darkness and Light to enrich my experience.

    Receiving and Giving Back

    • May 1, 2010 8:54 am

    Dearest Readers,

    This will be a short post today as I’ve committed to helping with a specific chore and time is running out with all I have to do this morning.

    The chore is, in fact, a service. My upstairs neighbours have been kind enough to let me use their second vehicle for errands that require four wheels. In order to give back I have committed to helping them clean it so they can now sell it.

    This service is really the least I can do. They wouldn’t take my money and I believe in paying back. Sometimes we are given gifts and we need to accept them as such. But other times we are obligated to return the gift through selfless service. This is how we maintain spiritual balance.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: I will make good on any non-monetary debts I owe through service. I will give back by taking action in the appropriate way.

    Web of Life

    • April 30, 2010 9:17 am

    Dearest Readers,

    It means so much to me that this blog is being read and that it is inspiring people. The more I embrace the world of social media the more I feel that Great Connection between us all.

    It’s amazing what the Internet has done to change our relationship to one another. As disconnected, disparate and distanced human beings all alone on our little islands we are now sharing instantly our common bond via the Web.

    Each morning, before I post, I check out the blogs that are on my Reader’s List. Each morning I check Leanne Coppen’s blog Living with Breast Cancer. In yesterday’s Inspiring Works post I told you that Leanne died. But today I still went to check her blog. I couldn’t not. It’s a ritual I’m not ready to let go of just yet.

    What I found there amazes me. Comment after comment from Leanne’s readers expressing sympathy, condolences, grief, joy, rage, gratitude and love. How many of us were brought together in this virtual community of compassion? Has there ever been anything in history that has connected people so immediately and with such depth as the World Wide Web?

    Back in the late ’90s there was a great pop song and music video by Jamiroquai called Virtual Insanity. It’s a very catchy tune and really fun to dance to. The video was super innovative at the time. The lyrics are all about the total craziness that technology generates and how much of what we’ve invented is “not Nature’s Way.”

    But for all the insanity that new technology breeds it also creates this unbelievable unity among us. We are truly a global community today because of blogs, Facebook, Twitter and the like. We may be taking it too far sometimes (I just read a great piece in The New Yorker about a guy who walks down the aisle, kisses his bride and later goes down on her in the honeymoon suite Tweeting all the while) we are also benefiting from its broad reach.

    A couple of readers sent me messages yesterday thanking me for this blog, for sharing my life, letting me know my words “echo far and wide”. This means more to me than I can say. Not because I’m being read by lots of people, though that does make me happy, but because I am a part of this marvelous web of strangers coming together as friends.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Despite the grief we feel, the losses we must bear, the seeming unfairness of certain circumstances, there is a Great Connection of which we are all a part. I can feel that Connection both here, in this virtual world, and here, in the centre of my heart.

    Good-bye But Not Gone

    • April 29, 2010 9:41 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Yesterday I received a message announcing that my friend, Leanne Coppen, has died. She was living with cancer and fighting it with every cell in her body. Her blog, Living with Breast Cancer, often stood in for the Inspiring Message of the Day on this blog. She was full of hope and irreverent humour and inspired many, many people with her words.

    Leanne and I went to high school together. At 16, Leanne could best be described as a hippie love chick. She had long hair, wore baggy sweaters and long pendants and her wrists and fingers were covered in bracelets and rings. She liked to smoke dope and talk about peace and love and so did I. We were good friends.

    Leanne and I had many conversations about what we perceived as the f’d up state of the world and how Peace and Love were the only solutions possible. Once, we got into a deep discussion about currency. Why were there different currencies, we wondered? It’s One Planet, One People. There should be One Global Currency, we decided. “A dollar is a dollar,” we reasoned.

    This became a mantra for all that we believed: A dollar is a dollar!

    Leanne and I got our first tattoo together. She got a Sun on her lower abdomen and I just couldn’t decide what to get. We sat in the tattoo parlour poring over pictures. She asked me questions, trying to help me figure out what I was looking for. I saw one of her pendants, hanging on a long chain from her neck. It was a Peace Dove. “That’s it,” I said. “This?” she asked, holding it up. We then held each others’ hands through the pain of the tattoo needle.

    Today, that Peace Dove, faded now, 22 years old, feels like Leanne on my shoulder.

    One other memory stands out among many. I arrived at a party where Leanne was already waiting with a male friend of hers I had not met before. Upon my arrival, he looked at Leanne and said, “Yup.” Later, when he was out of the room she said, “Before you got here I was telling him about you. He asked if you were pretty or beautiful. I said, “Beautiful.” That’s what his ‘yup’ was in response to.”

    Leanne, who was stunningly gorgeous and whose beauty both made me jealous and inspired me, thought I was beautiful! This was a defining moment in the Celia McBride self-esteem books, lemme tellya.

    Once, my beloved friend Eden, who was and still is Leanne’s best friend, said, in the typical stoner language of the day (well, we were stoned a lot of the time!), “Where did Celia man go?” Forever after I was Celia Mango to Leanne and Eden.

    Last fall, Leanne and I re-connected. We had stayed in touch over the years and had seen each other probably every five years or so and it had been about that since the last time we’d got together. I emailed her to see if we could have a visit because I would be in Toronto. She emailed me back. “Celia Mango! How completely fantastic to hear from you!”

    How I cherish those words now.

    Leanne, you still feel really present. I’ve been talking with you since yesterday. Remembering, sharing, celebrating your life. Leanne, dearest, you introduced me to Goethe and you wrote as deeply as he did. Your words will be remembered, monuments will be erected in your name. Your legacy has only just begun. Believe it.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: O Death. You take the body but not the Life. Sadness, grief, loss. All real, all necessary. But beyond those feelings is the Everlasting Spirit, the Indweller of all Beings, the Great Reality: Peace and Love. Therein lies our comfort.

    Are You Okay?

    • April 28, 2010 9:06 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Be careful what you pray for. We’ve all heard this expression. Pray for wisdom you get your butt kicked. Uh-huh. Pray for compassion. Oh boy.

    Compassion is not something I’m completely lacking but in certain areas and with certain kinds of people I am less tolerant than I would like to be. The Judge Judy aspect of my personality isn’t something I’m proud of but she’s there. The good news is that I’m willing to work with her. I’m willing to change.

    Lately, I have been asking Higher Guidance to teach me how to respond with compassion and to remove my lack of tolerance. Just when you think no one is listening, nothing is happening, no traceable movement is taking place, the ground shifts and splits open, revealing the Path.

    I’ve been asking for my judgmental thinking to be removed. What happens? I get a pain in the neck. What does the pain in the neck do? It slows me down. It’s a pain in the neck! It forces me to listen. It sends me right to the Source.

    What do I “hear”? The pain in the neck is inflexibility. It’s judgment.

    So this morning, I go to the weekly morning meeting of Toastmasters. I’m scheduled to give a speech. I walk in. It’s crowded. There’s a seat next to a man I don’t know. When I ask him if I may squeeze in beside him I get a smart aleck remark. My back goes up.

    I sit down, turning away from him. I realize he’s new so I force myself to introduce myself. He says, looking into my eyes, “Are you okay?” My back goes up even higher. I say, “Yes, are you?” His eyes are bloodshot. I smell liquor on his breath. I turn away.

    My head starts working overtime, “Who is this clown? Drunk in the morning. Arsehole. Arrogant. Am I okay? I’m okay, what about him? Judge, judge, judge.” I hear him say, “You may have just BS’ed me but that’s okay.”

    My anger starts to boil. Then… wait a minute. What is going on here? I’m about to give a motivational speech. I’m about to inspire people, shine my Light. How can I do that when Judge Judy has taken over my body?

    Something shifts. Who am I to judge this man? I am a clown. I’ve been drunk in the morning. I’ve been an arsehole. I am arrogant. I’m NOT okay. I’ve got a friggin’ kink in my neck! This man, drunk or not, saw through me.

    I soften. This is the Path. This is Higher Guidance giving me an opportunity to practice compassion. I asked for it. I got it.

    So I started again. I welcomed this man to our meeting. I smiled at him. When I gave my speech I included him. I changed my feelings toward him.

    Near the end of the meeting he touched my shoulder. “May I leave for a few minutes?” “Of course,” I told him. Moments later, I saw him walking by the glass door that leads out into the hallway. He was using support canes. He’s handicapped.

    My God. Compassion? What about humility? This man was my greatest teacher, the embodiment of Higher Guidance, the answer to my prayer.

    After he returned and the meeting was over I shook his hand and encouraged him to come back. “I live 110 miles away,” he said. Of course he does. In which direction? Up, perhaps?

    I told him it was good to see him at our meeting. “Thank you,” he said, “And I hope you’re okay.”

    I am now.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: When we are willing to be changed the Benevolent Life Force Energy of Universe will respond in kind. We will be given what we need in the most gentle and loving Way. Higher Guidance is ever-present.

    Brain Waves

    • April 27, 2010 7:47 am

    Dearest Readers,

    After taking a listening day yesterday I am feeling very calm and quite grounded. Taking the time to connect with the Higher Self has paid off.

    One of the things I “heard” while I was sitting quietly seeking Guidance was “do your homework”. Last week I had been given a little assignment by the woman who is my beloved Spiritual Director and I had yet to complete the task.

    We had been talking about two conflicting sides of myself and she had suggested I put pen to paper and write the conversation between them using my right hand to represent one side and my left hand the other. Am I ambidextrous? No. I am right-handed. Writing with my left hand is like trying to walk with one leg. But I have done this exercise before and the results have been fascinating and life-altering each time.

    The right hand is governed by the left brain. The left brain is logical and the right side of body is “male”. The left hand is governed by the right brain. The right brain is intuitive and the left side of the body is “female”.

    At one point in my walk on the healing path I was doing some work around accepting my male energy, embracing my masculine self. I wrote the conversation between male and female, left brain and right brain, alternating between using my right hand and left hand.

    After some back and forth banter, my Masculine Self wrote, “But you hold me in contempt,” after my Feminine Self had written, “I love you more than anything. I worship you.”

    That was a revelation! Was it possible that I could revere the Male while still holding men in contempt? Certainly it was. This discovery was a turning point for me and I began to actively practice loving and accepting my own maleness. Not long after this I chopped off all my hair.

    So yesterday’s conversation between Logic and Intuition also turned up some eye-opening instructions. I won’t share them here as I’m still processing exactly what they mean and I’m not on the other side just yet. Needless to say, this is an exercise that I highly recommend to anyone who is seeking Guidance and feels stuck.

    The left-brain/right-brain experience is most beautifully described by Jill Bolte Taylor, who had a stroke and was forced to experience Right Brain Living when the left side of her body shut down. If you haven’t watched her TED talk, I leave it with you now. Set aside 20 minutes and watch this. It’s phenomenal and seriously inspiring.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Jill Bolte Taylor’s Stroke of Insight.

    Shhhh

    • April 26, 2010 8:17 am

    Dearest Readers,

    The last blog I posted was about taking the time to look at the world around us. Looking is vital to our practice of Be-ing. What about listening?

    Last week I got a kink in my neck. I breathed through the pain, did positive affirmations, refused to give it power and it went away. Two days later it came back.

    Because I believe in and practice metaphysics, I adhere to the idea that there is something deeper going on with this pain in my neck. What is “a pain in the neck” in my life right now? That’s the obvious question. No real obvious answer, though. Other than taxes.

    Okay, take a break from doing the taxes. Thanks for the permission. Is there something more? I went to Louise Hay’s book You Can Heal Your Life to find out her thoughts on the deeper meaning behind neck pain.

    Please keep an open mind about this. I have to. I take some things Louise says with a grain of salt. For example she corresponds an ingrown toenail with “worry and guilt about your right to move forward.” Yah.

    Anyway, according to Louise’s “List”, the neck represents flexibility and neck pain correlates to inflexibility. So where am I being inflexible? I went through all the things in my life and couldn’t really find a solid answer.

    Perhaps I’m not seeing it, perhaps it’s not there. Either way, I am not hearing a clear, definite response.

    I once heard someone say that prayer is asking for Higher Guidance and meditation is listening for It. This morning, in prayer, I realized that is precisely what I need to do today.

    So I’ve committed to doing a couple of things that cannot be put off until tomorrow but the rest of the to-do list is going to have to wait. I’m going to take the day to listen.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: What am I not hearing? Today I will take the time to get quiet and listen. I trust that in the Silence I will be given what it is I need to hear.

    Swan-ee, How I Love Ya

    • April 24, 2010 10:01 am

    Dearest Readers,

    When I got up this morning I happened to look out the window and way up high in the blue, blue sky I saw a “V” of swans flying in perfect formation. The rising sun was hitting their undersides turning their whiteness to shining gold. It was such a gift!

    We never know what we’ll see if we take the time to look. This idea reminded me of a man I once met who had been walking with his head down one day and found twenty bucks. This, he said, had taught him to always keep his head down. “If you keep your head down,” he’d told me, “You never know what you’ll see.”

    I remember thinking this was a little bit backward. “Keeping your head down” can mean “to do or say as little as possible in order to avoid problems or arguments” (Free Dictionary) but it can also indicate low self-esteem. I thought this guy was denying himself the feeling of personal power that can come from walking with head held high.

    But perhaps I’m wrong. Perhaps it doesn’t matter where we are looking as long as we have our eyes open. We can have our heads down and find money or our heads up and see signs of summer approaching. Head down or up, it’s our eyes that see the Light.

    Seeing those swans this morning brought me back to the Reality of Being. I was about to head into the day, guns blazing, attack the “to do” lists with gusto but there they were, those graceful birds calling my attention, stopping me, landing me in the present moment, reminding me of what is truly important: Beauty, Presence, Joy.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: We can never be reminded too often to stop, open our eyes and see the world around us. Today I will practice this process of continuing to land in my body, land in my life, land in the Power of Be-ing.

    Sing the Song of Thy Self

    • April 23, 2010 9:04 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Yesterday was Earth Day and although I think everyday should be Earth Day it is still a good thing to dedicate a single day to the cause of honouring our fair planet. It was inspiring to see, hear and read about all of the activities going on in the name of caring for this great ball of miracles and mysteries we call home.

    I went to join a community of folks taking part in a yoga class and a meditation and chanting circle. During the meditation portion we were asked to send out loving energy, if we wished, to a particular person or place. As we sat in silence, the leader read us some inspiring text which included words like, “May we be free of danger, may we have mental and physical happiness.”

    These words reminded me of a song I learned this past winter while on retreat at The Naramata Centre. I’ve been singing it over and over in my head since last night so I thought I’d share it with you.

    May I be filled with Loving Kindness
    May I be well
    May I be peaceful and at ease
    May I be happy

    The next verse is a wish for the Other:

    May You be filled with Loving Kindness
    May You be well
    May You be peaceful and at ease
    May You be happy

    Then comes the version for all of Us:

    May We be filled with Loving Kindness
    May We be well
    May We be peaceful and at ease
    May We be happy

    And the last verse brings it back to the individual in the form of an affirmation:

    I am filled with Loving Kindness
    I am well
    I am peaceful and at ease
    I am happy

    The tune is very childlike and quite pretty. I wish I could sing it for you. Then you, too, could get it stuck in your head.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: In the hustle and bustle of this day I will take a moment to recognize the amazing world around me. When I connect to the Reality of Being I am filled with Loving Kindness and I am happy.